On Theatre Etiquette...

Let’s talk theatre etiquette.

Karsten’s someone I’ve discussed before. It hasn’t always been positively, but that’s not because I dislike him. I think his opinions have merit, and he tries being reasonable whenever possible. He also occasionally makes videos I agree with, hence this response. I think he nailed it with this video:

This! (Courtesy of Karsten Runquist.)

YouTube videos discussing theatre etiquette aren’t new. You can find them readily, and many individuals have discussed this issue prior. But while it’s cliché at this point, there’s one aspect here that I think resonates: theatres are trying to make the experience like being at home, and people are abusing that. This is a real problem, and it’s one I’ve had for a while.

I don’t think movie theatres are like being at home. Nor do I think they should be. Not only are they an investment, especially given how un-enticing they’ve become, they’re also not your home. They’re establishments that make money, usually for the owner(s). You might be welcome as a guest, but the second you cause problems? Don’t act surprised if you’re kicked out.

That needs to be reemphasized, as it’s not always so clear. While home theatres allow you to act however you choose, movie theatres have rules. Rules regarding how they function, but also about how you, the patron, should behave. These aren’t written down, but they’re expected like any social contract. And there are social consequences for violating them.

Let’s take the most obvious rule: no talking during the movie. No one can force you to be quiet, especially since movie theatres lack ushers patrolling them, but it makes sense. Remember, people go to movies to watch them, and talking can be distracting. It’s also rude. Also, unlike home theatres, movies theatres lack the ability to pause movies. When the movie starts, it plays until it’s over.

Yes, movies can sometimes be boring. I’ve seen quite a few of those over my lifetime. But even still, I’ve tried my hardest to not disrupt people. In the worst-case scenario, I’ve simply fallen asleep. That takes plenty of discipline, but it’s part of the social contract.

This extends to being mindful of others. It includes individuals who have trouble staying quiet. Some might be too young to sit still, in which case they’re probably not old enough to be there. Others might be babies, which isn’t optimal, but many parents don’t have the luxury of babysitters. And then there are those who are neurodivergent or have a disability, to which staying quiet is impossible. With that group, I recommend that everyone else mind their own business.

That doesn’t stop at movie theatres! A while back, a child had an outburst during a production of The King and I because a tense moment gave him anxiety. When it was revealed that he was Autistic, one of the performers wrote a post about how the audience was being disrespectful by shushing him. The kid couldn’t help it! And as someone who’s Autistic, I can assure you that meltdowns are the most stressful for the person experiencing them. Essentially, show some sensitivity.

While there are patrons who don’t know how to behave, there are also patrons who can be overly-judgemental. I remember watching IT: Chapter 1 and clapping at a moment that made me giddy, only to have someone leer at me because they were annoyed. I wasn’t doing anything wrong, but that was insensitive. I even apologized, something I shouldn’t have had to do. Because who are they to judge me?

And that’s what needs to be understood about a movie theatre: it’s not meant to be a home. There are rules of conduct, and there are rules of compassion. These rules, like I said earlier, aren’t written down, but they exist as a social contract. When they’re broken, they lead to social consequences. Remember that.

Everything about theatre etiquette circles back to this: not talking? It’s rude. Not texting? It’s rude. Not being rowdy if you can help it? It’s rude. Even cleaning up your mess, assuming that’s possible, fits into this social contract.

So yes, theatre etiquette’s important not only because of the social element, but also because you’re a visitor. Like any visitor, the host reserves the right to kick you out for whatever reason. That doesn’t mean you should be disrespected, but definitely try to be on your best behaviour. After all, if you want to come back, you should make a good impression, right? Right.

Finally, theatres need to set expectations of how people should behave. And they should be reestablished regularly. Because patrons frequently act entitled, and it’s irritating. I understand if the theatre violates your individual rights, which does happen, and you shouldn’t let that slide, but when it comes to the social contract? You should follow it out of respect, not because it’s what’s expected.

But that’s me. And I thank Karsten for initiating the conversation, even if there’s a chance he won’t read this.