Mario Party Legacies

The year’s 1998. The N64 has been out for 2 years. Nintendo, trying to capitalize on the Holiday Season, teams up with Hudson Soft, creators of the Bomberman franchise, to make a party game. Taking Nintendo’s mascot and pitting him against his pals, the two companies, with the Shigeru Miyamoto’s oversight, release Mario Party in Japan on December 18th. The game is a hit, eventually coming to North America and Europe early the following year, and spawns a sub-franchise that’s still going. The looming question, however, is “What makes it worthy of gamers’ attentions 23 years later?”

Like Super Smash Bros., I was the perfect age when this first came out. Like Super Smash Bros., I also discovered it at a friend’s house. But whereas Super Smash Bros. has stayed in the limelight because it’s the video game-equivalent of The Avengers, Mario Party always played second fiddle. It’s enjoyable, but it’s never garnered the praise of its fighting counterpart.

However, because Mario Party Superstars was recently announced for later this year, I figured that I’d discuss it anyway.

What’s Mario Party about? Well, it’s a board game that’s interspersed with mini-games. Taking inspiration from Fortune Street, another party game with sequels that never arrived here until recently, you pick a character, choose a board, set the rules (turns, number of players, if bonuses are allowed) and watch the magic. Each player then rolls a dice block to determine the order of play, is alerted of the stakes of the board and watches the chaos ensue. That’s the basic set-up.

It’d be easy to say “The rest is up to you to figure out!”, but that’d be dishonest. Because while Mario Party might be straightforward, it’s the finer details that shine through. For one, you roll a die to determine the number of spaces you can move. And two, while the objective is to collect enough Coins for a Star, the individual spaces are always unpredictable. Blue spaces, for example, give you coins, while red spaces take them away. But there are also green spaces, which range from Events (which cause something weird to happen), Duels (where you fight someone for coins), Solo Mini-Games (where you play a game alone) and the ? (which is as it suggests). There are also Bowser spaces, which mess up everything. Because the space you land on is mostly based on chance, it’s as exciting as it is suspenseful.

Additionally, you can buy special Items from the Item Shop. The trinkets are varied, but they often keep everything exciting. Some, like Mushroom Blocks, give you extra Dice to roll. Others, like Boo Bells, can summon aids to steal from other players. And then there are that items that take you to the Star’s location. They’re easily the cheapest items, yet they cost the most Coins. Items are as much a staple as the boards, and using them wisely can tip the game to your favour.

Yet the real heart of the franchise is the mini-games. Once all players have rolled their Dice and moved their allotted spaces per turn, a 4-Player/1V3/2V2 mini-game is selected based on the space each player landed on. These range from simple to infuriating, and their existence has caused plenty of chaos and frustration. More than any other franchise on a Nintendo console, nothing’s ruined more friendships than these mini-games. And that’s part of the fun.

The mix of unpredictability, frustration and intrigue is what’s kept these games going. Mario Party has had many iterations, some worse than others, as well as many themes, but the core dynamic has remained. It doesn’t matter if it introduced costumes, a Duel Mode, where you fight an opponent like the Wild West, tag-teaming, or even partners, the spirit of the franchise hasn’t left; after all, what’s better than seeing Yoshi face off against Peach, Mario and Luigi for the title of Superstar? Friendly competition!

That’s probably why I can still play these games and enjoy them like I did as a kid. Whether it’s 10 year-old me playing with some friends at a sleepover birthday party, 15 year-old me playing with my cousins at a family brunch, or 28 year-old me having a late-night tournament with old classmates at a high school reunion, Mario Party never feels old. If anything, like the Smash Bros. games, it’s as much fun to play drunk as it is sober. Bless it for that!

Still, if the Mario Party games have one advantage over the Smash Bros. games, it’s that they pick your brain as much as they test your competitive side. Are they gambling? Maybe. Is that good for children? Maybe not. Do I care? Not really, as I’d rather they play this than get wasted at a casino! Especially if it means testing their education!

Here’s to you, Mario Party! May you frustrate, and entertain, people for many more years! If you’ll excuse me, I’d going to overhype myself for Mario Party Superstars again. (You got me hooked once with the classic mini-games and maps, but can you do it again by making them still work?)

The Bat-Cat Dilemma

(Warning: The following contains mature subject matter for some readers. Continue at your own risk.)

A few years ago I tore into Batman. I called him “boring”, and I pointed out that WB and DC over-relied on him. In the years since, however, I’ve developed even stronger opinions. And now it seems like another opportunity to rip into Batman has come. More specifically, it’s an opportunity to rip into DC for bringing unwanted attention to themselves. I’m about to get weird…

Has anyone seen Harley Quinn? I can’t access it, for several reasons, but I’ve heard good stuff. I’ve especially heard talk of it being DC’s answer to The Venture Bros., which should signal if you’ll like or hate it. It also broke a few taboos over its runtime, including a relationship between Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy that doesn’t feel shallow. Fancy that.

I mention this because DC recently got into hot water over a nixed moment from Season 3. There was supposed to be a sex scene where Batman goes down on Catwoman, only to be removed at the last second because, “Real heroes don’t do that”. Never mind that the adaptation of one of Batgirl’s most famous stories involved her and Batman having sex, Batman doesn’t satisfy women. Take what you will from that. I know I have!

Sufficed to say, the internet didn’t take that news well. Within hours of DC’s statement, Batman was now the subject of ridicule. Jokes, mostly sexual, began circulating to many laughs, including some from DC. Perhaps the biggest surprise was Zack Snyder posting fan-art of Batman giving Catwoman cunnilingus on Twitter, even if the image reeked of The Male Gaze. It was bad for DC and WB’s PR team. And, if we’re being honest, they deserved it.

If you strip away the humour and iconography, there’s something rather telling that isn’t pleasant. See, Batman not pleasuring women isn’t really about him. He’s a fictional construct, and you can project whatever you want. That Batman doesn’t satisfy his romantic interests says less about him and more about his writers. In particular, about how society views femininity and sexuality. And it’s not pleasant.

Western thinking on female autonomy is dubious. Whether it’s the printing press leading to women becoming disobedient to their husbands, or The Suffragette Movement leading to women also becoming disobedient to their husbands, the fear of women in general has existed for centuries. Specifically, female sexuality has been quite contentious. Nowhere is this more prevalent than in women not being allowed to enjoy sex. In other words, women should strictly be conduits for male pleasure.

If that sounds sexist, it is. But it’s been championed for a long time by well-respected members of society, including Sigmund Freud. This framing’s been around for so long that it’s only now starting to go away, and with that has come backlash. There’s a reason why men having multiple romantic partners is more socially-acceptable than women having them. Think about it: a man’s a player or a stud, while a women’s a slut or a whore.

It’s for this reason that women’s sexuality’s also not taken as seriously. In The US alone, Viagra’s treated far more generously than Birth Control pills. Additionally, women are routinely scrutinized for wanting abortions, and Roe V. Wade is constantly at risk of being reversed because of how politicians view fetuses. And let’s not forget the stigma that comes with rape and/or sexual assault! Basically, being a woman and wanting sexual autonomy are often viewed as an issue.

I mention this because that’s really what this is about. Because Batman’s had many romantic interests, most-notably Catwoman. But whereas it’s a non-issue for him to date multiple women to cope with his trauma, that he’s not allowed to make them happy is a problem. It shows how regressive he is. That’s not a positive development.

It’s especially not positive because of how superheroines at DC have been shafted in favour of superheroes. Of the big three, how many movies have been made about Batman and Superman? Many. How many have been made about Wonder Woman? Three. Additionally, when faced with life-threatening situations, how much more-likely have heroes rebounded over heroines? When Superman was murdered in the 90’s, he stayed dead for a few months. Supergirl, conversely, has died brutally numerous times, while Batgirl was paralyzed/raped and Green Lantern found his girlfriend stuffed in a refrigerator.

It’s easy to laugh this off as a man, but women who are fans of comics have had to turn a blind eye for decades. Whenever a superheroine becomes popular, the chances of her being reshaped to “appeal to male sensibilities” have been high. Superheroes, on the other hand, have rarely had that happen to them. And when they have it hasn’t been permanent. So Batman not pleasing his romantic interests is part of that problem.

It also says something when violence is preferable to sex. Women can be shot in the chest, raped and left for dead to further a man’s story, but they can’t be happy in bed. Women can die horribly, but they can’t show T&A. And women can be stuffed into refrigerators, but they can’t enjoy themselves in the privacy of their own homes. On the rare occasions where we see any of this, it’s considered “scandalous” or “sacrilegious”.

I wish it weren’t able to influence popular discourse. But similarly to how Superman’s influence can lead a young boy to his death, or how The Joker’s influence can cause someone to shoot up a movie theatre, negative, harmful or reductive portrayals of women can cause women to suffer from self-esteem issues. There’s a reason why Catradora was a big deal, or why Harley Quinn kissing Poison Ivy in Harley Quinn sent shockwaves throughout animated television. These situations matter, and they make a difference. They might be slight, but they’re there.

I think this kind of positive representation is needed. We’re not living in the 1700’s. Contrary to what pundits claim, people aren’t always so rigid, and the marginalized deserve to be seen and heard. And if it’s “not good for the children”? So be it, though children are more perceptive than adults let on.

So let Batman and Catwoman have sex! And let Batman satisfy Catwoman! It might be “weird” or “uncomfortable”, but that means we have a lot of teaching and growth left. Because unless female sexuality’s properly appreciated, then nothing will really change. And that’s criminal.

Now then, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go detox...

The WandaVision Sing-A-Long!

A few weeks ago I ranked my favourite moments in WandaVision. Unfortunately, there was one area I couldn’t really go into detail with: the themes. As I stated:

“…[W]ith the theme songs, I picked the best one and talked about it.”

In hindsight, I don’t think that was fair; after all, if I hum them at work, then chances are they’re worth discussing. And what better than to rank them?

As with last time, this list is all subjective and contains heavy spoilers. Read at your own risk:

7. “W-V 2000”

Beginning this is a tune I’m conflicted on. Taking cues from The Office and Modern Family, “W-V 2000” is a great jingle that leaves me mixed when I hear it. Why? Because while it’s clear that lots of time and energy went into crafting it, I frequently struggle to remember which key it starts on. It’s also not as memorable as the other entries on here.

That’s not to say it isn’t good or effective. Quite the contrary! I love its use of keyboard and electronica to capture a specific vibe. Episode 7 is riffing on the 2010’s, so why not go for that feel? Well, that’s what it does. Add in the isolation that creeps in with its repetition of Wanda’s name, and you quickly grasp what it’s about.

My reasoning for putting it at the bottom isn’t personal, but also quite obvious. Like I said, it’s tough to remember how it starts. I also, to that end, get stuck on its ending. I know it repeats the show’s leitmotif, but which key is it in? It could also be that it lacks words, so…

6. “A Newlywed Couple”

Taking cues from The Dick Van Dyke Show, we have “A Newlywed Couple”. This ranking might strike a chord for some, but I can’t help it! Is it catchy? Yes. Does it summarize the show’s mission statement? Also yes. But are the lyrics inspired? Not really.

I get it, though. I understand that it’s paying homage to early sitcoms’ not having theme songs, but rather a narrator who introduces the cast. To that end, it succeeds. But here’s the problem: that’s not interesting either. Having The Dick Van Dyke Show introduce itself like that is lame, and this accurately captures that. I’m sorry.

That said, the visual gags are clever. Vision hiding his face in the car with his bowler hat makes no sense logically, but works in context. Vision phasing through the door to the house and leaving Wanda outside is hilarious, easily one the show’s best jokes. And the two of them dancing inside and leaning in for a kiss is a brilliant nod to its era. So while the lyrics themselves stink, everything else is pretty good.

5. “We Got Something Cooking”

Incorporating The Brady Bunch and combining it with The Partridge Family, “We Got Something Cooking” is going for a 70’s feel. And it works! It works really well! But there’s a small problem that holds it back, and that’s that it’s too long. The first and second parts on their own are brilliant, as they discuss how Wanda’s about to deliver twins. But together it’s excessive.

Seriously, you can end this one at “Together one plus one is more than two!” and still make the point. The song didn’t need to continue with another verse that reiterates that. Not that I don’t like the second verse, but that isn’t needed. It feels like padding. We’re not a 70’s sitcom, we’re simply paying homage to one.

It’s a shame because it’s a great jingle otherwise. The song is catchy, the lyrics are inventive, and the visuals are spot-on. I especially like Vision barbecuing burgers in rapid succession. The fact that he goes overkill in-sync with the song is pretty cute. It’s merely a shame the song is overkill, or I’d rank it higher.

4. “Let’s Keep it Going”

A “classic”, “Let’s Keep it Going” riffs on the early 2000’s. More-specifically, it riffs on Malcom in the Middle, complete with the screeching guitar and childlike voices singing loudly. It embodies that Millennial vibe of the 21st Century. So why is it so low? Or, to rephrase that, why is it in the middle?

Because it contains that edge that I’d much rather stay in the early-2000’s. This is especially the case with the lyrics, which scream “pre-teen tries to sound adult” in a way that kids think is cool. It’s a mixed-bag, to say the least. That, and the lyrics, while cute, are lame. That’s right, a purposeful homage has lame lyrics. I said it.

I feel bad for saying that, though. As with every other entry, even those at the bottom, this is a catchy jingle. The visuals are also top-notch, complete with the VHS-quality, grainy static from the transition period to DVDs. I especially like the freeze frames that introduce each character, as well as the frame-skipping. And it’s angry. Everyone gives off an angry vibe, despite not all of them being angry. You have to love that.

3. “Making it Up As We Go Along”

And now we get to the upper-section. Taking inspiration from Family Ties and Full House, this screams 80’s/90’s. Which, like everything else on the list, is intentional. But whereas “We Got Something Cooking”, which this feels similar to, is a great jingle that goes on for too long, “Making it Up As We Go Along” strikes that Goldilocks Zone. It’s long enough to make its case, but not too long that it loses you. Fancy that, huh?

I especially like the upbeat energy and family vibes. This is the episode where Wanda and Vision have their argument, as well as the one where Fake Pietro is introduced, but the idea of family contrasted with singing about improvisation is a neat parallel. Anyone who’s raised kids can relate to that. It helps that these are Wanda’s kids, who are magical twins that age quickly. That alone is perfect for this.

I have to applaud the opening for also using collages to “introduce” (or “reintroduce”) the cast. I like that Wanda’s pictures are authentic, and that the intro lampshades how Billy and Tommy magically aged 5 years like that. My only complaint are the pictures for Vision. They’re creepy, especially the one of Vision as a baby! If it weren’t for that, and that I prefer two jingles more, I’d probably rank this higher. Oh well!

2. “Wanda Samba”

Arguably the most-memorable-or second most-memorable, depending on who you ask-jingle, “Wanda Samba” captures its homage perfectly while still being brilliantly-constructed. On one hand, it takes Bewitched and I Dream of Jeannie’s cartoony openings and gives them makeovers, all while keeping the minimalism intact. On the other hand, it’s the catchiest lyric in the show, and it’s basically the jingle repeating the show’s name ad nauseam. That it works is a testament to the songwriters.

What makes it so catchy is its samba fusion. “Wanda Samba” repeats the same line over and over, but it does it with a beat that makes you want to dance. This is complimented by some elevator ambience, as it sounds like something you’d listen to at a hotel. To top it off, it’s easy to remember. I heard it once, and I had it memorized. That’s rare for me with music, especially with lyrics.

Of course, the visuals are also great. Being rendered in animation, there’s a freedom you wouldn’t get from actual sets and people. Like, would Wanda and Vision flying in the beginning, followed by creating a heart in the sky, work as well in live-action? No, as you’d have to worry about weighting and gravity. Having it animated, on the other hand, eliminates the need for realism. It’s a great opening with a great song, only rivalled by…

1. “Agatha All Along”

You were waiting for this, weren’t you? I already covered it in my previous piece, but I think this deserves a victory lap. “Agatha All Along” isn’t only a great song, it’s a great villain song. More-specifically, it’s a great Disney villain song, which makes sense given that its composers also worked on Frozen. It basically sells itself.

But it goes beyond that. For one, the lyrics are deliciously devious, capturing the slimy sophistication of Agatha perfectly. Two, Agatha even pitches in at several points, giving her agency in her own behaviour. And three, the song has layers. Even if you remove the instrumentals and focus on the lyrics, though that’d ruin the fun, there’s still so much going on vocally that you can appreciate it for what it is. There’s a reason “Agatha All Along” has so many parodies and tributes, after all!

Like with everything else here, the visuals are an excellent companion. The montage of Agatha messing with everything behind the scenes is excellent character building. That she’s breaking the fourth wall is even better. That she’s winking at the audience is even better than that. And that final line about killing Sparky, set to “Shave and a haircut, two bits”? *Chef’s kiss*

There you go: my ranking of every jingle in WandaVision. Play me off!

Melancholic: exactly how I like it! (Courtesy of MarvelMusicVEVO.)

Blow By Blow

This past month was stressful for Jews everywhere. Beginning with a skirmish we never asked for, there’ve been a rise in Antisemitic attacks on people who don’t live in Israel. It’s made me worried. So while I normally don’t write two serious pieces back-to-back, I figured it was worth double-dipping. I hope you’ll forgive me.

I’d like to clarify something upfront: attacks against Muslims, be they online or in-person, have also increased. But I’m only covering Jews here. I know that sounds selfish, but I can’t advocate for them because I’m not Muslim. I’ll leave it to any Muslim who wants to add to the conversation. I owe them that much.

Anyway, back on topic.

The situation between Israelis and Palestinians is sensitive. I get it. I don’t get, however, why everyone else has to suffer. Jews live all over the world. And while roughly half are Israeli, many, for a variety of reasons, aren’t. Some of have even made Yerida, or emigration, from Israel for a variety of reasons. Assuming this gives people justification to take it out on them is a problem.

But it’s happening. And it’s happening a lot more than my fellow Jews would like. All over Europe and North America, Jews are being accosted on the streets. Synagogues and Jewish stores are being vandalized. In Toronto, review bombs online are impacting Kosher restaurants and butcher stores, as well as non-Kosher ones that Jews frequent, in an attempt to hurt them. This is all real, and, in some cases, dangerous.

It doesn’t stop there. Non-Jewish individuals have also been targeted for “looking Jewish”. In Belgium, an athlete made a statement that he’d rather die than be a Jew. Ignoring the obvious joke there, it’s scary witnessing the spill-over. It makes me incredibly uncomfortable. And I’m not alone.

And yet, gentile “allies” have been gaslighting us. Whether online or in person, we’re being made into hypochondriacs by the people who we want to look to for support. It’s gotten so bad that those with power who’ve spoken up have received hate for it. I’m sorry, how is calling this out a problem?

What’s not helping is Jewish voices using this situation to spread agendas. I’m, referring to people like Eve Barlow, the originator of an “online pogrom” against Jews. Ignoring the charged language, her article in Tablet Magazine became so notorious that Seth Rogen’s response, a fart emoji, led to it becoming muddied. Within days, Eve Barlow became “Eve Fartlow”, and the discussion transformed into a game of “mocking Jews for having funny names”. Again, how does this help anything?

I don’t want to make this a “let’s hate on the Palestinians in revenge” situation. Palestinian voices have long been marginalized, such that many countries don’t recognize their existence. That’s wrong. It’s wrong because it robs them of their stories, and it’s wrong because it makes them look irrelevant. Most-importantly, it’s wrong because acknowledging them is the first step to peace.

And yeah, this means that some of them won’t be acting in good-faith. But guess what? There are many Jews who don’t act in good-faith too! I recently had words to say to one of them on Twitter, which you can find here. But the bad-faith Palestinian voices should be called out by Palestinians, similarly to how the bad-faith Jewish voices should be called out by Jews. It’s not complicated, even if it seems that way.
Ultimately, this is what Jews have to waddle through. Yes, some non-Jews/institutions have spoken out. And yes, many of them have real power and influence. But it’s not enough. Like the hatred against Asians and Pacific Islanders, we Jews can only do so much. What we need is our gentile friends to amplify our voices. This means listening to our concerns and taking them seriously, not simply brushing them off because it’s easy to ignore them.

I get it: this is a complicated issue in general. Antisemitism is a long-running hatred that goes back thousands of years. Every time we Jews think it’s gone, it resurfaces as something different. Battling it, therefore, requires due diligence and real attempts at dialogue. It’ll be messy, it’ll be awkward, it’ll even be uncomfortable! But like with any discussion worth having, it’s worth the time and effort.

Finally, I want to address those who think that attacking Jews is the answer. It’s not. I get that there are issues between Israelis and Palestinians, and that they need resolving. I’m not even against showing solidarity for Palestinians! But when that solidarity involves targeting people physically and verbally, as well as making those people feel unsafe? When I can’t openly express my Judaism in public, lest I become a target? When the Jewish liaison to President Biden, Aaron Keyak, has to remind people (with permission from their Rabbis) to hide their Kippot or Magen David necklaces if they’re concerned for their safety?

Well then, you’re doing solidarity wrong. And that’s not the answer. Take this as you will.