She-Hulk Smashes Lists!

While it could go either way, you know a piece of entertainment’s keeping in the cultural consciousness when it’s still being talked about long after it’s been released. This is the case with She-Hulk: Attorney at Law, a 9-episode Disney+ series that’s received as much ire as genuine praise. But I won’t delve too much into that. Instead, I’d like mention the show’s biggest strength: its comedy. Because the show has great gags and one-liners that are worth talking about. So that’s what I’ll do. Here are my Top 15 favourite jokes/gags in She-Hulk: Attorney at Law.

As always, major spoilers inbound.

#15-Who’s Jen talking to?

Right from Episode 1’s first 4th wall break, it’s clear this show’s going for a lighthearted tone. But while most of the episode’s pretty conventional in its comedy, it’s near the end of the flashback, following Jen and Bruce’s big fight, that we get the subtlest, yet cleverest bit of 4th wall breaking. It’s only a few seconds long, but they make for a cute gag. It’s not even “Ha ha” funny, but it shows that She-Hulk: Attorney at Law isn’t afraid to call out its own absurdity. It also sets the stage for a later entry, but I’m getting ahead of myself…

Following Jen’s frustration with Bruce not letting her leave, their tension escalates into a physical fight. Despite Bruce being significantly bigger, Jen eventually gains the upper-hand. She even grabs Bruce’s foot and throws him into his gazebo, which he demands she fix with him. So they do. It’s here that Bruce tells Jen she’s welcome to return to her job. Jen, not buying it, turns to the screen and says, “He doesn’t mean that”. When Bruce looks at her confused, she responds by turning to the screen confused too.

While this isn’t harped on, it’s a cute nod to 4th wall breaks being absurd. Jen’s clearly talking to the audience, but who does that consist of? And why does Bruce respond when no one else does? Better yet, does everyone else ignore it? None of this is answered, but it doesn’t have to be. It’s a shame the trailers already spoiled the gag, or it’d be higher up.

#14-She-Hulk revealed

Keeping with the same episode, Jen’s reveal as She-Hulk is cute. Most superheroes in entertainment have gravitas to their reveals, and The MCU’s no exception. (Look at Spider-Man!) But in keeping with the tone, Jen’s reveal isn’t dramatic at all. It’s actually an inconvenience to her.

After returning to LA for a court case, Jen’s closing statement gets interrupted. A super-powered influencer named Titania has crashed the courtroom for…reasons, and she has a bone to pick with the jury because…also reasons. Realizing she has no choice, Jen kicks off her stilettos and transforms into She-Hulk. Once defeated, she turns back and gives her closing statement. End scene.

What makes this unique is that it’s unspectacular. Not only does Jen not enjoy it, but it ruins her life. She wins her case and saves peoples’ lives, but she gets fired and her job prospects shrink instantly. It’s as if she’s being punished, and the show doesn’t glamourize that. Nevertheless, it’s framed as comedic, so kudos for that!

#13-She-Hulk takes on her muggers

Picture this: you’re walking home alone. It’s dark out. Within minutes, you’re held up by muggers. What do you do? The common answer would be to scream for help, but this show takes a comedic approach.

It starts out conventionally, with Jen being accosted and screaming for help. But then she remembers that she’s a super-powered human and transforms. She then beats down her muggers like nothing. Like Bruce’s response to her 4th wall break, this is subtle-yet-clever humour. And even though she gets her skin penetrated, it doesn’t matter because she has impenetrable skin.

It's brilliant. It’s not a laugh out loud moment, unlike later entries on this list, but I had a small smirk while watching it. It’s cathartic for any woman who’s been attacked at night, but it’s also funny for anyone who “forgets” that they’re stronger than they thought. Like Jen’s realization that she can transform, people often don’t think outside the box in the heat of the moment. This show reminds us of that.

#12-Leap-Frog’s frivolous lawsuit

From his introduction in Episode 8, it was clear that Leap-Frog was lame. Whether it was lacking combat experience, or getting pummelled by two thugs, the character couldn’t have been more pathetic if he’d written “I suck!” on his chest in frog mucus. Fortunately, this leads to a humorous episode involving leg burns, a lawsuit against the same person who made She-Hulk’s wardrobe and the reintroduction of Matt Murdock outside of Spider-Man: No Way Home. It’s a strange combination, but hey! No one said She-Hulk: Attorney at Law was striving for professional accuracy, right?

What I like about this is that, outside of being goofy, it plays this scenario with tension and suspense. This is it, one attorney with superpowers against another attorney with superpowers. It’s the female Gamma radiation victim against the blind guy who uses echolocation to see. Both are confident they’ll win, opposition be damned! It doesn’t matter that Jen’s representing a client of her tailor, she’s determined to wipe his smug grin off his face!

And then…the punchline: Leap-Frog’s accident was a result of negligence. He didn’t read the fine print and used jet fuel to escape. This caused his suit to malfunction and his legs to get charred. Jen, realizing her client’s an idiot, decides to eat her losses. That’s all folks!

#11-Twerking with Meghan Thee Stallion

One of the running themes in this show is how ridiculous and toxic men are sometimes. That’s also its running commentary. Unfortunately, art mimics reality, which in turn copies art, and this is no exception. Case in point? She-Hulk takes on Meghan Thee Stallion to protect her against future identity theft. They then seal the deal with a twerking session in Jen’s office. And this has caused intense backlash.

I’ve covered how ridiculous the controversy surrounding this is already, so I won’t repeat myself. Instead, I’d like to zone-in on what this moment, a post-credits scene in Episode 3, is about: appeasing a celebrity client. That’s it. The show’s even aware that it’s silly by having Jen’s boss raise an eyebrow. Like I said, art mimics reality, which in turn copies art.

The best part? Jen states that she’d “kill” for her new client, and Meghan Thee Stallion immediately snaps her back to reality. Because that’s the kind of obnoxious rhetoric that super-fans of real celebrities use. It’s absurd, it’s tacky and it makes people take them less-seriously. I’m glad this show called it out.

#10-The group therapy session

I have to be honest: Emil Blonsky’s retreat contains some of the show’s best character writing. It’s also contains some of the best comedic writing. And sometimes they merge, like when Jen confronts her insecurity about living a dual life as She-Hulk. Admittedly, some of the hijinks of her support group are…a lot, but it’s a nice scene with honest character growth. I was also surprised by how well it represented support groups, especially as someone who’s been in a few myself.

The moment begins with Jen stumbling onto the support group while looking for good Wi-Fi to connect with her recent one-night stand. She’s not having success, so she sits down and explains what’s on her mind. In between tackling someone who tried to mug her as She-Hulk and the suggestions of everyone else, we get a real peek behind the curtain into Jen’s lack of self-confidence. We see that her superpowers feel like a burden to her, restricting her dating life. It’s only through the-admittedly forceful-persuasion of everyone else that she’s able to move on and accept herself for who she really is. It’s really sweet.

Of course, the side jokes help keep it from being draining. Like how one participant suggests stabbing her fling to get his attention, only for Blonsky to scold him. Or how another member finally removes his mask when Jen accepts who she is, only for everyone to insist he put it back on because he smells. Character touches like those make this scene chuckle-worthy. And it’s why this is at #10.

#9-She-Hulk VS Titania in court

Titania is a cautionary tale about insincerely using your powers for fame and glory. This comes to a head when Titania sues Jen over the name “She-Hulk”, suggesting that she’d used it first for her line of beauty products. Ignoring her ads, which use the word “She-Hulk” excessively, this court case is an example of Schadenfreude humour. It not only makes Jen a joke, it also forces her to humiliate herself to reclaim her title. In other words, it’s really funny.

I’m not sure what the best part is, honestly. Do I go with how the show pokes fun at copyright law? Or how Jen sinks further into her seat as each of the witnesses discuss how embarrassing Jen is? Or do I settle with how the judge rules in Jen’s favour out of pity? There are too many good moments to choose one.

Even Titania’s last words to Jen, “This isn’t over!”, feel straight out of Mean Girls. And that’s funny too. Because it makes Titania look like a spoiled brat, which she kind of is. This wouldn’t even be the last of her appearances, as she meant what she said! But I’m getting ahead of myself…

#8-“She-Hulk Smash!”

With Matt Murdock’s first appearance in Episode 8, we knew Daredevil was going to show up. And he did, as Jen later encounters him trying to capture Leap-Frog for answers. The two team up to free their mutual tailor, and we get some hints at mutual chemistry. But I’m getting ahead of myself again. For now, I’ll zone in on the first entry that warranted a sincere laugh. (Not that previous entries weren’t funny or cute.)

After debating how they’d infiltrate Leap-Frog’s lair and fight his goons, Daredevil decides to go it alone. Initially, we get a sense that this’ll be yet another hallway brawl akin to Daredevil on Netflix. With all the angles and choreography in place, it seems to go that way. But it’s short-lived. No sooner does the fight get intense when the ceiling breaks and Jen, as She-Hulk, lands on the goons, incapacitating them. And then she says her catchphrase, which is a riff on her cousin’s catchphrase.

I love it. I love the surprise of it. I love the timing of it. I love that it’s subverting audience expectations. I love that it’s funny. But most-importantly, I love how typical Jen it is. I love the whole moment, as-like I said-it made me laugh.

#7-The Intelligencia phone call

Episode 9 of She-Hulk: Attorney at Law is when everything goes wrong for Jen. She’s baited by a misogynistic organization, gets arrested and thrown into a prison for super-powered individuals, loses her job and is bailed provided she never transform into She-Hulk again. Life couldn’t be worse, but she wants to find out what’s going on. Fortunately, her best friend Nikki wants to help, so she tracks down Intelligencia and ropes in a male colleague to help expose them. Once at their hideout, Nikki and the colleague infiltrate the Intelligencia meeting by pretending to be one of them.

How do they do this? With Nikki feeding lines via a cellphone earbud. If this sound ridiculous, it gets better! Not only does Nikki feed lines, she instructs her colleague to act like an incel and say stuff he’d never say, including calling women “females”. And he’s a terrible actor to-boot, constantly fumbling his words. It’s as embarrassing as it is hilarious, and it’s one of the show’s better jokes.

Oh, and the conversation cuts out spontaneously because of poor reception. Part of me wonders how no one could’ve predicted this, but honestly, who cares? For one, this is a show about a wise-cracking lawyer who turns into a 6-foot-7-inch monster. And two, this is a comedic series. If both of those points didn’t indicate that humour trumps logic, I can’t help you.

#6-She-Hulk’s date

Jen’s dating life sucks. She-Hulk’s dating life, on the other hand, is more lucrative. The show makes this clear with Jen only getting one match on Tinder that’s miserable, while She-Hulk has plenty of interested men lined up. Of course, most of those don’t end well either, but she does end up with someone who much prefers knowing about her. It’s all going great, and the two even head back to Jen’s apartment…but their make-out session’s interrupted by Wong asking her to resolve something she thought was already settled in court.

What follows is a fight with demon spawn in a theatre. As Jen pummels and sends them back to Hell, she whines about how she’d rather be back in her apartment. She eventually resolves the situation, but not before intimidating Donny Blaze, the orchestrator of this mess, into accepting a cease-and-desist. Donny accepts, and Jen returns to her apartment to find her date waiting for her. Classy.

And then, in a twist on the usual trope, Jen lifts up her date and carries him to her room, bumping into an overhead lamp. This might’ve been ruined in the trailer, hence it being this low, but I quite like the subversion. It’s cute, mildly humorous and plays on the notion that carrying a woman to bed is trite and cliché. Let the woman lift the man instead! I’d be game for that! Especially if she’s 6-foot-7-inches!

#5-The Nice Guy

She-Hulk: Attorney at Law routinely highlights the different levels of toxic masculinity. On one extreme, there’s Intelligencia, an incel-like organization whose goal is to make She-Hulk a threat. On the other extreme, there are more subtle inferences, like Bruce infantilizing Jen under the guise of trying to help her. And then there’s “The Nice Guy”. The Nice Guy’s heinous because it bottles sexism under a pleasant veneer, and this show has Mr. Immortal.

Mr. Immortal has a dilemma: he’s been married too many times, and he keeps faking his death to avoid staying in toxic relationships. However, it’s really his fault that his relationships go south. But when Nikki and Mallory drill him over his behaviour, Mr. Immortal considers them nags, jumps out a window and lands on a car. He then shakes it off like it was nothing. It’s hilarious.

This is easily one of the best jokes. There are several reasons for why, but the key is that it’s making fun of Mr. Immortal’s insecurities. We’d later find out that he’s also a chauvinist prick, but for now he’s an insecure man-baby who can’t face accountability. He’s also invincible. Fancy that.

#4-She-Hulk and Titania fight

You knew I’d circle back to Titania, didn’t you? It was clear from how she and Jen left off in Episode 5 that she’d return, and Episode 6 makes good on that by having them engage in combat. And it’s the funniest fight in the entire show. Why? Because it’s a wedding battle, and those often make for great comedy.

Beginning with Jen vomiting on the outside lawn from drinking too much, she’s confronted by Titania and shoved aside. It turns out that Titania really did weasel her way into the wedding so she could have revenge for being humiliated. Initially, Jen’s too drunk to fight back, but after regaining her clarity the two duke it out in the middle of the wedding hall. All the while, the DJ plays music.

This is great on its own, but it also has two punchlines. The first is the smaller one, where Titania relents because Jen cracked her veneer. It shows her vanity, and it’s fitting for her character. The bigger one is that Jen’s friend states that she’s excited to see She-Hulk at her wedding. Considering that Jen had promised earlier to not transform, it’s hilarious. I guess that’s alcohol for you!

#3-Madisynn testifies for Wong in court

From her introduction in Episode 4, it’s clear Madisynn was going to be a fun character. For one, she’s a party animal, constantly drunk and lacking inhibitions. And two, the way she spells her name is funny. (“Two ns, one y, but it’s not where you think!”) So when she ends up as a key witness in Wong’s lawsuit against Donny Blaze, despite ruining The Sopranos, I was giddy with joy. She didn’t disappoint either.

I’d go into detail about why Madisynn’s testimony is hilarious, but I lack the patience. Instead, I’ll zone-in on how nonchalant she is in the courtroom. From her entrance to her final line, her demeanour would be impossible to take seriously in a real trial. Yet, again, because this is a comedy show, it works. It works so well that I don’t even mind her ruining The Sopranos again once the scene is over.

But outside of that, Madisynn’s comedic perfection. She acts like a party animal. She’s always drunk. She speaks like a valley girl. She has a cute nickname for Wong. And she doesn’t care what everyone thinks of her. Essentially, she’s awesome.

#2-“Captain America fu-”

It was a tough choice between this and my #1 pick, but I chose this for my #2 spot. Why? Because not only do I have a lot to say on the top spot, but this joke was also ruined by the internet. I tend to wait until Marvel shows are nearing completion and binge them (save one exception), so I was behind on the discourse for She-Hulk: Attorney at Law for about 8 weeks. As such, I didn’t mentally prepare myself for spoilers, and this joke, arguably the funniest in the entire show, was a casualty of me waiting. Still, credit where credit is due, and this is great on its own merits.

Episode 1 is the backstory episode. It feels it too, with Jen’s whole “training montage” involving her besting her cousin constantly. To be fair, he does win at the drunken belching contest, showing that, if all else, Bruce has the more powerful lungs. Also, cis men hold their alcohol better than their female counterparts, and I guess that Hulks are no different. But I’m getting off-topic.

The part that really gets me is the post-credits scene, where Jen’s in human mode and whining about how Captain America remained a virgin until his death. When Bruce points out that he actually lost his virginity in 1943, Jen’s sorrow turns to excitement. She screams the aforementioned “Captain America fu-” right before the credits cut her off, keeping with The MCU’s running joke of cutting off f-bombs. It’s funny even without that, and I still giggle thinking about it. After all, Captain America…you get the picture.

#1-Jen confronts K.E.V.I.N.

You knew I’d be tackling this eventually. Whether it’s the initial divisiveness, or how it’s still being talked about, Jen’s biggest 4th wall break is, essentially, the best moment in the entire series. And yes, you heard that correctly. And no, I’m not some blind sheep. I’m not fond of every troll move The MCU has pulled (I didn’t like The Mandarin’s reveal in Iron Man 3, despite it being retconned), so you can’t use that line on me. Moving on.

After confronting Intelligencia’s leader, everything goes haywire. Blonsky’s ready for battle, an incel’s now a Hulk, Titania shows up out of nowhere and Bruce returns for…reasons. Realizing that this is ridiculous, Jen transforms into She-Hulk, breaks through the show’s icon box on Disney+ and travels to Avengers Assembled to confront the show-runners. When they tell her that everything’s vetted by the higher ups, she travels to the head exec’s office and discovers the AI K.E.V.I.N.. She then haggles her way out of the finale’s “bad writing”. And because this is She-Hulk, a character notorious for this, it somehow works?

I’m not kidding: this really is a quintessential She-Hulk moment. And considering that Jen’s been breaking the 4th wall constantly, it also makes a lot of sense. Granted, perhaps some of the dialogue was too on-the-nose? Maybe Daredevil shouldn’t have been added for no reason? Perhaps this is all true. But given that, again, this is a comedy series, I still think it’s the show’s funniest moment. (Stay mad.)

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And that about does it. Be sure to give this a read, and I’ll see you next time!

She-Hulk Hulks Out!

The reason why rants often generate more buzz here than other pieces is that they grab people’s attention. I pour hours into an analysis or a ranked list to minimal response, but a rant? If it’s topical, it’ll generate high levels of traffic instantly. Plus, rants are fun to write. Let’s be honest: would you rather me praise Werewolf by Night, or me call out the sexism peppering She-Hulk: Attorney at Law’s feedback? Yeah, I thought so!

She-Hulk: Attorney at Law has received nonstop assaults since its premiere. Whether it was calling out catcalling, or twerking with a big-name celebrity, or even confronting incel culture, the backlash has both been incorporated into the show’s narrative and completely missed the point. Nowhere is this more pronounced than the series finale, which utilizes its central gimmick to deliver a near-perfect conclusion thus far. Allow me to explain.

By the way, I’m about to spoil the ending, so…

Episode 9 begins with a campy callback to the 1978 Hulk series, except gender-flipped. The remainder has Jen grappling with taking the bait of Intelligencia in the previous episode. Forbidden from transforming into She-Hulk, Jen takes a trip to Emil Blonsky’s wellness retreat. Once there, she crashes an Intelligencia meeting and comes face-to-face with the orchestrator of her misfortune: a former date who’s jealous of her “unearned” powers.

Initially, this is yet another MCU action set-piece: Jen encounters an incel version of The Hulk, Emil has transformed into The Abomination, Titania reappears and Professor Hulk reappears from his absence. Everything is more of the same, until Jen calls the bluff, breaks the 4th wall and confronts the show-runners directly. She makes her way to K.E.V.I.N., The MCU’s “AI program”, and haggles her way out of a generic confrontation that makes absolutely no sense. She then returns with everything wrapped up how she wants. Dénouement over.

As expected, this ending was divisive, with many people deriding it for “jumping the shark”. But while I feel it could’ve been smoother, I still think it works for two reasons:

The first is that, honestly, She-Hulk breaking the narrative isn’t unique to this show. She’s been doing this since her comic debut in the 80’s. If anything, this is tame compared to some of the stunts she’s pulled there! Besides, the show has openly broken the 4th wall throughout its run, such that Episode 1 poked fun of it at one point. In other words, She-Hulk talking to the overlord of The MCU isn’t that farfetched.

The second is more complicated, but still worth mentioning: 4th wall breaks aren’t a unique concept. Movies and TV shows, particularly comedies, have utilized them for decades. In recent memory, both the Wayne’s World and Deadpool movies to-date used them excessively. With the former, they even had the protagonists stop their climaxes and “fix” them not once, or twice, but three times! If that didn’t kill their quality, then neither should this.

I don’t think the people complaining realize that 4th wall breaks can be effective and funny. In the case of superheroes, Deadpool, who stole the concept from She-Hulk, has done them in excess. His first movie had him not only poke fun at his actor, Ryan Reynolds, being Canadian, it had him lampshade the movie’s violence, engage in feminist discourse jokingly, call out the timeline of The X-Men movies, joke about how Hugh Jackman’s sexier than him and roast Wolverine’s briefly Aussie accent. The sequel doubled-down on everything, making fun of The Woman in the Refrigerator trope, calling out Frozen for ripping off Yentl with one of its songs and making fun of Domino’s superpowers, The X-Men as a dated allegory for racism, Cable being a DCEU wannabe with a lazy backstory and how Yukio says the same two lines constantly. It even ended with Deadpool going back in time to erase the film’s inciting incident. With everything I mentioned, and more I haven’t, how is She-Hulk confronting an AI “too absurd”?

I don’t think it is. Granted, that isn’t to call it “perfect”, as it could’ve had better buildup and been less on-the-nose. I also thought Daredevil being there was unnecessary, and I wish we’d learned more about why Professor Hulk left Earth other than introducing his son at the family dinner. But it’s too late to fix that, isn’t it?

Either way, the detractors are overreacting. The MCU has been chastised, especially recently, for not taking risks, yet when they do…we’re left with vitriol. It’s not always unwarranted-I thought The Mandarin reveal in Iron Man 3 was lame-but it usually smells of entitlement from people who can’t accept that comics and film aren’t the same. In the case of She-Hulk: Attorney at Law, it even reeks of missing the point of the character. She-Hulk isn’t a conventional heroine: she’s an everyday woman with a day-job who happens to have superpowers and likes throwing shade. Considering how The MCU has become formulaic, I’d say that’s a welcomed change.

That said, I still think Professor Hulk’s reasoning for being absent is lame. The inciting incident hyped us all for a grand reveal, so why cop-out?

A Sapphic-sticated Dinkley

I sometimes wonder if pop culture controversies spring up because the internet’s bored and needs something to get mad about. Take the Scooby-Doo franchise. Despite loving it as a child, I’ve rarely thought about it as an adult save occasionally humming its jingle. It’s not a bad series, it taught me about skepticism and not trusting authorities blindly, but, like many shows of the time, it's struggled to remain relevant since its inception and has constantly remade itself. We’re seeing that, for example, with HBO Max’s Velma, which sees Velma Dinkley reimagined as a detective who drops f-bombs.

While reworking templates is nothing new, what is new is exploring Velma’s sexuality. She’s always been an enigma here, as we know so little about her dating life compared to her friends: Fred and Daphne are hinted to have feelings for one another, while Shaggy’s interested in food and Scooby’s…a dog. But Velma keeps eluding everyone. Surely she’s interested in something, right?

As of a recent movie, yes. In Trick or Treat Scooby-Doo, Velma and friends meet an unusual woman that Velma develops feelings for. This isn’t a big deal: people have different romantic interests, and lesbians exist. Additionally, many children are gay, and it’s important that they feel validated. It’s not even like this is a stretch for Velma, who, like I said, is an enigma.

Sadly, I wish everyone agreed. Ignoring how this is direct-to-video, hence its quality isn’t guaranteed, the nerd of the Mystery Gang being a lesbian has angered many people. It’s almost sacrilegious that a cartoon character is attracted to the same sex, a “political statement” that’s “fulfilling a woke agenda”. Forget that Velma isn’t real, this is “Hollywood selling out again”. And that’s “bad”.

I have to address two issues here: one, people loving other people, assuming they’re capable of consenting, isn’t a “political statement”. I might’ve thought that in 2015, but I’ve since realized how small-minded that is. Being a minority shouldn’t be a political statement either, nor should having a disability. The external attributes of a person aren’t as relevant as their character. I say this to both sides of the political spectrum.

And two, Velma being gay in 2022 isn’t a big deal. Nor is it bold. Besides, I have to wonder why Linda Cardellini, who played Velma in the live-action movies, wearing a bikini in a deleted scene didn’t have the same outcry from the internet as her being a lesbian. Sure, concerned parents might’ve chimed in, but the internet ate it up like hungry dogs! Why is a woman being provocative okay, but not being interested in other women? Especially when the latter is tamer?

I mention these points because I don’t understand why this is an issue. There are plenty of real problems in the world, including, but not limited to, war, sexual assault and climate change. In the world of entertainment, equity and fair pay are hot button topics. Even over at Warner Bros. Discovery, there’ve been layoffs and budget cuts under the current CEO that’ve made working there a nightmare. In the grand scheme, Velma Dinkley being a lesbian isn’t that egregious.

I know that grafting traits onto a blank slate character is tricky, especially when not done properly. I’ve also no doubts that Velma being made a lesbian was a calculated decision. As for the movie in question, it could be trash, I don’t know! But that doesn’t make it bad that Velma likes women. Because some women like other women, that’s a fact!

“Okay,” some of you might be thinking, “why not create a new character altogether?” Firstly, equity’s important. Like how removing someone’s sexuality is wrong because there isn’t a fair share of queer representation yet, making a blank template character a lesbian is totally acceptable for the same reason. And secondly, whenever artists “create new characters”, it fares equally as poorly on the internet. Simply look at Selma and Love, Simon’s scrutiny for being “too political”.

Basically, there’s no winning. It’s like the saying goes, “You give them an inch, and they take a mile”. You can only play the game for so long, especially when the goalposts keep getting moved. Velma being a lesbian in one movie is one example, and it’s time people got over it. Life’s too short to stress over something that trivial.

Besides, this could end up making significant inroads for queer representation. Remember, being gay was taboo for a long time. And when it was discussed, it was usually played up for laughs or as moralistic tragedy. Normalizing queerness for the sake of it is relatively recent, and we have a long way to go. Velma Dinkley’s another step in the grander conversation. It’s messy, sometimes uncomfortable, but it’s inevitable. And if Bros flopping at the box-office is indication, it won’t always land the way its target audience wants.

Essentially, I want bigots to be honest about their bigotry. But if that doesn’t convince them, then perhaps swirlies are in order? Flush!

Milkshake Duck Choir

Writing about controversies in the Orthodox Jewish world is tricky. For one, there are genuine scandals, like the Chassidic education system and Yeshiva University’s stance on Pride. On the other hand, the Orthodox Jewish world receives unfair scrutiny that makes having conversations difficult. This is especially true when people make bigoted assumptions, like in the case of The Miami Boys Choir on TikTok. It sounds strange mentioning that, but to quote a wise old man, “We don’t pick the ballroom, we just dance!”

I, like many Jewish people, have always been aware of The Miami Boys Choir. I also had a passing knowledge of their tunes growing up. My parents played cassette tapes of their songs during car rides, and I got to hear them on the radio when Chabad bought airtime on a local station. The Miami Boys Choir was, simply put, as Jewish as you can get, and while they spawned imitators, they were the gold standard.

Which leads to their re-entry into the mainstream on TikTok. To be honest, I have no idea why now. I don’t know what drew non-Jews to them. Was it their voices? Was it their unusual dance moves? Or was it both?

Regardless, they’re all the rage now. It was also inevitable that they’d get press coverage in different outlets, Jewish and non-Jewish alike. But it’s their coverage in Rolling Stone where everything goes sideways. To be fair, coverage there’s a big deal! But with that comes the possibility for misconceptions, and nowhere is that noticeable than in the two stories the publication did, one in print, the other audio. Since they share overlapping themes, I’m lumping them together as one unit.

First, the written piece. On October 2nd, 2022, a writer named EJ Dickson tackled the explosion in popularity of this boy band. While short, the piece is pretty tame for the most part, but then it adds this line as a non-sequitur:

“Despite the seeming inevitability of one or more of these boys getting Milkshake Duck’ed (probably not a great idea to ask any of them about their opinions on Israel and Palestine), what is so charming about the explosive success of the MBC on TikTok is just how authentic it all seems.”

It’s here where I do a spit-take, cough heavily and reread that sentence in complete bewilderment. FYI, “Milkshake Duck” is an internet term where a person/group of high importance shoots their credibility in the foot. There’ve been plenty of instances of that happening recently, far too many to keep count, but that’s irrelevant. What’s relevant, however, is why Dickson included that. What does a conflict in The Middle East have to do with kids singing Jewish songs? Did I miss something?

It doesn’t end there (unfortunately). Dickson later went on a podcast detailing The Miami Boys Choir’s success, and…well, have a listen.

Again, I’m confused about the relevancy of kids singing Jewish songs with vaccinations. For one, anti-vaxers aren’t exclusive to Orthodox Judaism. They aren’t exclusive to Judaism period, you can find them anywhere. And two, how’s that connected to old videos? Many of these kids are now adults with jobs. This, therefore, is a form of retroactive projecting.

Speaking of, anti-vax sentiment isn’t as widespread in Orthodox Judaism as you’d think. It exists, but it’s not as prevalent as in, say, Christianity. But outside of that, I wonder if Dickson’s knows about the videos from The OU when mRNA COVID vaccines were first made available. Plenty of rabbis, even ones that outwardly looked to be anti-science, were promoting them as “Pikuach Nefesh”, or “saving a soul”. Judaism prides itself on health, and vaccines are no exception.

It'd be one issue if Dickson had apologized, but such isn’t the case. Dickson’s Twitter Feed once included (apparently) a now-deleted, tone-deaf jab at Shomer Negiah, or the practice of not touching hands with the opposite sex until marriage. You’d think with all the scandals surrounding MeToo that this’d be something to not mock…

I’m not happy. I’m not happy because Dickson’s clearly too biased to be fair, and I’m not happy because Rolling Stone decided that this wasn’t a red flag. But I’m especially not happy because the average reader will see and hear these remarks and make uninformed assumptions. That, in turn, will lead to confrontations of various kinds. Jews have enough of an upward battle daily trying to deal with our own nonsense, we don’t need this too. And given that Antisemitic hate crimes are on the rise, this doesn’t help.

Aside from being unfair, Dickson hasn’t shown the slightest bit of remorse or regret. Like I said, this doesn’t exist in a bubble. Dickson has deep-seated animosity toward Orthodox Jews, and this feels like taking swipes at them. It doesn’t matter that Dickson ultimately praised The Miami Boys Choir, because that’s tainted with an ironic Milkshake Ducking.

If this still doesn’t seem like a big deal, think about it this way: let’s say another religious boys’ choir has a TikTok resurgence. Let’s pretend it’s a Muslim group, for instance. Now, let’s say a cover story was written, but it mentioned the possibility of some of the boys now being in ISIS or Al-Qaeda. Even if it’s “not baseless”, and that’s a big “if”, who cares? And why’s it remotely relevant?

You see what I’m getting at? It’s especially egregious because it makes The Miami Boys Choir’s success reliant on an irrelevant purity test. I get that Israel-Palestine is a complicated issue, but it’s not important here. And pretending that it is asks for unwanted trouble. It’s also journalistic malpractice.

I’d normally end with a defence of Dickson’s thinking, but I can’t here. Dickson did Orthodox Judaism dirty, and Jews deserve an apology. I don’t care if it means sucking up pride, it has to happen soon. But I’m not seeing it right now. And that I’m not seeing it is telling.

I also think Rolling Stone needs to issue a retraction. I don’t know how, but they have to do it. Orthodox Jews don’t need this, and it’s upsetting that I’m even writing this at all. Words matter. Especially when hundreds of sets of eyes see this and form unfair assumptions about a minority group. Essentially, please do better.

The Little Headache

I’ve made my thoughts on Disney’s live-action remakes known. I’ve also criticized their shameless marketing tactics. While I’ve seen and enjoyed a few of the remakes, they’re less movies and more attempts at marketing classics in a “respectable” medium, except without any of the soul. But they’re making money, so more are on their way. Case in point: The Little Mermaid.

I like The Little Mermaid. It’s not my favourite Disney Renaissance movie, it’s not even my favourite adaptation of the Hans Christian Anderson story, but it’s got catchy music, solid animation, a fun villain and ahead of its time theming. Some aspects, like Sebastian, feel dated, but more works than doesn’t. And, naturally, Disney now feels compelled to bring it to live-action. Joy!

I don’t have high hopes for this movie, let’s be clear. But while I’m positive it’ll be soulless, its casting appears to be a bright spot. In particular, the teaser had me sold on Halle Bailey as Ariel, especially since she can sing! No offence to Emma Watson in Beauty and the Beast, she’s great in her own right, but vocals aren’t her strong suit. This is a definite improvement.

Sadly, I don’t think much of the internet shares my sentiments. We agree that it’ll probably be bad, but the reason why is where we differ. I think it’ll be bad because it won’t do enough to differentiate from the 1989 classic, save awkward updates for a 21st Century audience. The internet, however, thinks it’ll be bad because of Halle Bailey. Specifically, because she’s black and in a leading role. (Now that I’ve said the quiet part out loud, I’m going to have people tell me I’m wrong.)

Hollywood has a terrible track-record with racial casting. It often feels like they gloss over the distinct histories of their source characters to appeal to the lowest common-denominator. On the off-chance they “get it right”, it usually still falls short. This is a fancy way of saying that Hollywood sucks at representation, which is why their few successes feel impactful. Doubly-so when they change the ethnicity of a blank-slate character.

Ariel’s one such character. True, her origins are European, but the original author didn’t envision much for her outside of being a mermaid desperate to become a human. She’s also not real, so interpretations can play with what she’s supposed to look like. Look at Ponyo: that movie’s based on The Little Mermaid, but it’s set in Japan and changes the protagonist into a Japanese preschooler. Somehow, though, that’s acceptable...

I wonder why Halle Bailey being Ariel bugs people. Yes, she’s black. But so what? Mermaids aren’t real creatures with defined features. You’re not sinning against period authenticity, especially since black people lived in Europe thanks to immigration, trade and slavery. Besides, she’s not even human!

You want a true depiction of what mer-people are like? Watch Luca. I know it’s set in Italy and has an entirely different premise, but its depiction of the underwater race is probably the most-accurate I’ve ever seen. Mer-people wouldn’t be humanoid if they lived underwater. They’d most-likely have gills, fins, scales and specially-shaped ears. And they’d most-likely be a different colour to-boot. The “changing into humans on land” part is where the creative license comes in, but outside of that? Boom, there you go!

I know what this is really about, though. This is the internet feeling threatened by the presence of a black woman. According to them, that’s “woke”. And woke is “bad”. Forget that black women aren’t monolithic, that won’t do.

It’s here that I ask the internet to dunk their heads in ice water. Because that’s not only a racist mentality, it’s complete nonsense. You think a black actress “ruins the spirit of The Little Mermaid”? The original movie was about body dysphoria. In fact, the original story was about Hans Christian Anderson pining for the male lover he could never have. I suggest researching the story if this is shocking to you.

Honestly, nonsense like this makes it difficult for nerds to be taken seriously. Yes, Halle Bailey’s black. But so what? Plenty of black girls have responded well to the teaser, not unlike when redheaded girls responded well to the original movie. Film doesn’t exist in a vacuum, and if this paves the way for better representation, well…I’ll take that over the shameless griping of white men.

It doesn’t help that when called out, said white men play the victim card. Like how She-Hulk angered people by existing, this casting decision has done the same. And like it or not, two dozen review bombs aren’t changing its impact. There’s a reason the general public no longer trusts IMDB, and it’s because its users are so incredibly out-of-touch with reality. In many ways, it’s not hard to feel sorry.

I get it: change is difficult. We’re used to Ariel as a white redhead because she’s been that way for 30+ years. But change is also inevitable, and other people deserve their chance in the spotlight. It’s not even like I’m defending this movie, I still think it’ll suck. But it won’t be because Halle Bailey’s black. And it especially won’t be because she can’t sing, because she can.

Who am I kidding, though? The people complaining don’t actually care!