Princess Peach Transforms!

Princess Peach: Showtime! has been out for a bit, and the reactions have been…mostly positive, but also mixed. But I’ve already shared my thoughts. Instead, I’d like to rank the different costumes in the game. They’re all neat and have different strengths, so nothing I say is a personal attack on these concepts. I’m also only mentioning the 10 main costumes, discounting the one for the final boss. Finally, there’ll be minor spoilers, as it’s been long enough.

Anyway, let’s begin!

10. Patisserie Peach:

One of two modes in the demo, Patisserie Peach is my least-favourite costume. It’s not “bad”, but since baking’s the entire gimmick, you’d think there’d be more here than making cookies and decorating cakes within a time limit. But that’s exactly it. And even as an dabbler in baking myself, I don’t find this too inspired. Especially when it feels like this game’s answer to the Mario Party franchise.

I should double down on how this isn’t bad, though. For one, it takes a laid-back approach to Peach’s heroism. For another, it’s fun. Despite the cookie-making being rote, you have to mash X the right amount of times, seeing the final product is satisfying. The same goes for the cake decorating, even if I’ve yet to master laying down the icing.

The boss for Patisserie Peach is equally unique, constantly sabotaging your cookie making efforts while filling its own trays with them. You not only have to time your cookies, you also have to make sure the boss doesn’t land on and destroy them. It’s a game of multitasking, in other words. It’s also one of the few instances where the game could be considered “difficult”, with Peach losing hearts when she fails. Make of that what you will.

9. Figure Skater Peach:

The gimmick with niche appeal, Figure Skater Peach is also wonky control-wise. It works fine (mostly), but the figure skating to defeat enemies leaves plenty to be desired. Perhaps it’s that the conceit is about jumping and twirling. Or because the ice mechanics are too sensitive. Either way, I guess that’s accurate to in real life?

Once you get past the initial learning curve, it’s not that bad. It’s actually kind of fun! The best part is attempting the cool tricks you can pull off, like real figure skating, and seeing how they land. It not only allows for trial-and-error, it also taps into the skill needed to master the jumps and twirls. Even the secret areas require precision, adding some challenge. I like that.

The boss fights, where you must outperform your opponent and knock them off-guard, feed into the inexperience VS mastery component too. If you don’t time your twirls properly, even for a second, you’re not going to get far. And once you’ve recovered the Sparkle allies, you must skate a perfect circle around the boss and stun them. It’s glamorous, it’s unique, and it’s exciting! It’s exactly what I’d expect here, even if there are hiccups.

8. Cowgirl Peach:

It isn’t a romp without Cowgirl Peach! Set amidst a cliché Western, you have Peach’s trusty lasso and horse trotting through town. Like Figure Skater Peach, it leaves a lot to be desired. Unlike Figure Skater Peach, the controls aren’t difficult to master. All you need to know are how to jump and use your lasso. That’s it.

Cowgirl Peach throws a lot at you, and all at once. Not only is there lots of auto-scrolling, there are also many timed actions. In one instance, Peach has to get out of the way or she’ll be hit by a falling wall. In another instance, she has to yank a lever to prevent the captured Sparkle from being run over. Get it wrong, and you lose a heart.

It sounds like I’m complaining too much, but Cowgirl Peach is pretty fun! Despite the auto-scrolling and timed commands being frustrating, you still feel like you’re an old-timey cowgirl restoring justice! Plus, that horse is a masterwork of game design. It looks fake, yet steals the show anyway. I want to pet it!

7. Detective Peach:

Princess Peach: Showtime! uses one of its plays to ask, “What if Peach were a detective?”. And for the most part, it works! Granted, like the previous entries, the concept outweighs the execution, but that’s not to detract from the “Sherlock Holmes meets Ace Attorney” premise. It’s also slower-paced than other plays and has no action, forcing you to rely on your intuition. Or, rather, what this game considers intuition.

I appreciate the attempt at being different. Detective Peach is something I didn’t think I wanted, but not only is it utilized well, it’s even, at times, pretty funny. The stakes aren’t terribly high, they mostly rely on cliché premises, but the execution matters more. Who doesn’t want to see Peach snoop around and make funny pointing accusations? I do!

The one complaint I have is that Peach’s “Strike of Intuition”, where she points at something and shouts “Aha!”, isn’t terribly inspired. That, and you lose hearts for deducing incorrectly. Considering that Peach doesn’t follow her pointing with a statement, it also feels…wanting. It makes me wish there was more here than the bare-bones. But I guess little girls don’t care, and they’re the target audience.

6. Mermaid Peach:

Arguably the most “girly” concept in the game, Mermaid Peach actually lives up to its potential. The premise here is that Peach, being a mermaid, doesn’t fight. Instead, she uses her singing voice to control fish and get them to do her dirty work. It helps that this is perfect for Peach, given her lovely, flowery voice. And make no mistake, she can sing!

Of all the gimmicks in this game, Mermaid Peach is the most bare-bones conceptually. That’s not an insult, as “singing mermaid” needn’t be complicated. It’s also fun to see what hidden secrets can be unlocked with singing to fish, a sentence I never thought I’d write before playing this game. It even bucks the convention of water levels controlling poorly! What are the odds?

The part that holds it back is the concert at the end of each act. You have to sing in-sync with the direction the fish swim to line them up and make music. It’s not the most intuitive, especially since you have to pay attention and predict where the fish will go next. But hey! At least you get to hear Peach sing the acts off, right?

5. Dashing Thief Peach:

Now we get to one of the more interesting transformations. Dashing Thief Peach, contrary to the name suggesting, is less a Lupin III-type thief than a Robin Hood or Carmen Sandiego, as she steals back already stolen items. That doesn’t make her any less cool, though. Not only can she hack computers, she can hang from chandeliers and sneak around. And she can paraglide! Let’s not forget that.

This is one of the slickest outfits in Princess Peach: Showtime!. It’s also attached to one of the slickest plays. Even the Sparkle rescue is flipped on its head, with Peach working together with him to escape. It’s a nice bit of teamwork that’s absent from most of the plays, and it’s executed wonderfully. Plus, who doesn’t like paragliding? I’m acrophobic, and even I can’t resist!

To top everything off, Dashing Thief Peach oozes coolness: her design? Cool. Her level designs? Cool. Her escapes in her glider? You’d better believe they’re cool! It’s cool all around, and I wouldn’t have it any other way!

4. Swordfighter Peach:

The other mode available in the demo, Swordfighter Peach is the most anime-inspired. Think Utena Tenjou, and you have a rough understanding of Swordfighter Peach. She slashes up, down, left and right with her sword, making quick work of enemies and vines. It’s not the most sophisticated, she swishes like she’s fencing, but it’s cool to see anyway. It’s also lots of fun watching enemies fly off the screen when stabbed.

There’s a lot to like. The most interesting part, however, is her actual design. You have her cowl, her boots, her captain’s hat, complete with a rose, and her sword. All of this would be fun enough, but Peach also has a dodging maneuver that allows her to evade attacks and jump on top of enemies. It takes a little bit of skill to pull off, but man is it ever satisfying! I keep getting a dopamine rush when I hear Peach shout “Leave it to me!” before flipping in the air and landing a perfect blow.

Swordfighter Peach is pure fun. Who doesn’t enjoy fighting bats, suits of armour and giant plant monsters with a sword? I do! It might be “monotonous” or “repetitive” to some, as other games “have done this better”, but remember that this is meant for young girls. In that sense, I think it does the trick. En garde!

3. Mighty Peach:

Mighty Peach is this game’s answer to the Mega Man franchise. It’s the most Super Sentai-esque costume design too, right down to the visor and super strength. I know we complain these days of “superhero fatigue”, but being a superhero is still one of the ultimate fantasies. Who doesn’t love picking up trucks with their hands and tossing them like confetti? Or flying in the air and punching enemies? I do!

This may be a dumb-downed version of a Mega Man game, in that it involves saving Sparkles, but it never wears out its welcome. There’s always something new to keep everything fresh, whether it be putting out fires or creating bridges. And when that gets boring? Time to fly. Like a traditional, side-scrolling shooter, Mighty Peach takes on enemies with her fists.

You know something? That’s the best part of Mighty Peach. Forget saving Sparkles, picking up trucks and throwing enemies saucers, Peach taking down enemies in the sky is the highlight. It doesn’t matter how big they are either, she can still punch her way through them with ease. I love it.

2. Kung Fu Peach:

Have you ever watched a Jackie Chan movie and thought, “This is awesome, but what if Princess Peach could do that?”? Well, think it no more! Here’s Kung Fu Peach! It was tough between this and my #1 spot, but Kung Fu Peach coming in 2nd place isn’t bad. If anything, it’s a testament to how unique the different costumes and plays are! Nowhere’s this more noticeable than in the punching, kicking, prop-breaking, pole-swinging, action-heavy experience of “Princess Peach in Ancient China”.

I’m not kidding. For all the weirdness this game offers, nothing’s more inspired than Princess Peach as a Kung Fu fighter. The controls are also really intuitive, with Peach only needing to know how to kick and jump. But that’s not a detriment to the experience, as the combo-less combos are nothing short of amazing. Seriously, watch Peach swing around a pole and kick enemies and not tell me that’s awesome. I dare you!

Even the boss fights are cool, using timed buttons presses to great effect. The fights pull these off without you realizing they’re quick-time events, a feature I normally despise. If the frequent pole twirling and props being destroyed weren’t enough, these boss fights easily sell you on the experience. Which begs the question: why haven’t we gotten a Princess Peach fighting game yet? She’s perfect for one!

1. Ninja Peach:

You knew this’d be my #1 choice. Not only is Princess Peach as a ninja assassin, right alongside dabbling in Kung Fu, a perfect fit for its own game, but it matches the general aesthetic of this one. Ignoring everything else, Princess Peach was born to be a ninja. She not only looks graceful in her movements, she has the stealth aspect down perfectly. Which is great because this play relies on sneaking up behind guards and taking them out. Forget Ninja Gaiden, Ninja Peach is where it’s at!

There’s so much about this setup that makes the game worth it. Whether it’s Peach’s wardrobe being awesome, or how she takes advantage of her surroundings with “camouflage”, Ninja Peach is the kind of idea that only Nintendo could approve of merging with a play. It helps that she can run on walls. Did I mention that she can run on walls? Because that’s a key part of the experience.

If that doesn’t pique your interest, Ninja Peach can also manipulate environments to confuse enemies. Like Kung Fu Peach, the scenery’s a big part of everything. Unlike Kung Fu Peach, utilizing the scenery requires stealth, which means spinning walls and dropping down on enemies. Even the boss requires a timed swipe during a confrontation with it and the rescued Sparkle. Couple that with a disco-themed stealth riff on the main motif, and you’ve got yourself a winner.

And there you go: my ranking of the different costumes in Princess Peach: Showtime!. Be sure to pick up and play the game, and I’ll see you next time!