Reintroduction-Who I Am, 5 Years Later

By the time this goes up, I’ll be celebrating my 30th birthday. Truth be told, this isn’t where I thought I’d be at this point. If it were up to me from 10 years ago, I’d be married and have a child or two by now. I’d also have moved out of my parents’ house and made it big as a writer. While I’ve made inroads since then, me from 10 years ago would be disappointed. Then again, 20 year-old me was a bumbling, naïve fool.

This November marks the 5th anniversary of this Blog, which was started to scratch a non-anime itch that Infinite Rainy Day couldn’t. Ironically, this Blog has outlived Infinite Rainy Day by two years. And that’s despite that Blog having over a full year’s head-start.

Regardless, because 30 year-old me feels a need for introspection, I’ll do that:

Growing up the middle child of Jewish, middle-class family wasn’t always easy. Despite having loving brothers and happily-married parents, I was lagging behind my peers socially and academically. When I was 7 years-old, I was diagnosed with ADHD, my first of many. Using that as a weapon, I attacked a kid in the school bathroom and received my first detention. The lesson to not take out my anger on people only half-stuck with me, as I had emotional issues that’d be exacerbated over time.

In middle school, after having been transferred to a special education school, I was re-diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder. Shortly after that, I was referred to a psychiatrist that I’d see regularly for 17 years. Despite my diagnosis explaining a lot, it didn’t help academically. I was regularly pulled out of class for one-on-one remediation, and I’d often spend my time in class either fighting with classmates or writing fan-fiction in my notebooks. This got me into plenty of trouble with my teachers, many of whom didn’t understand me.

The situation with my social life didn’t start improving until high school, when my peers began to be more accepting of me. I was also diagnosed with Tourette’s Syndrome around that time, leading to my first ever Facebook group project. With about 10000 members currently, it’s one of my biggest accomplishments. I also frequently get emails from people asking to join it.

With this acceptance came a challenge to my Jewish identity. Teenage-hood isn’t without challenges anyway, but I’d never considered my Judaism a part of it. Yet due to me being exposed to ideas I’d never been prior, that was to be expected. Even my teachers were unafraid to challenge conventions, expressing disappointment in the day school system for “never challenging students beyond an elementary level”. It was tough, but necessary.

My biggest wake-up call religiously, however, came in university. For one, my knowledge pool expanded, showing how sheltered I’d been. I’d never questioned my beliefs openly beforehand, having always taken them for granted, so this was new. My already-expanded Judaism became expanded even further, with a better understanding of how my history collided with other histories. It was a lot to take in.

And two, my demographic pool also expanded. Prior, I’d never considered something like transgender or gender expression. I never thought grammatical rules were flexible, or that I’d been writing essays incorrectly. Most-importantly, I hadn’t considered how complex my identity was, something made more-apparent by a late mental health diagnosis. All of this was integral to shaping my adulthood.

Perhaps the biggest shift came from my time spent online. My social media exposure dates back to 2009, when I was writing blogs on ScrewAttack, but my post-university life’s where it really took shape. 2014 was tough emotionally, for many reasons, but that’s when my social conscience took shape. I became aware of how sheltered I was, and how it was important to sympathize with causes outside the Jewish community. Some might call that “radicalization”, but I call it “expanding my horizons”.

In my initial mission statement for this Blog, I mentioned wanting to discuss a myriad of topics. I think I’ve succeeded; after all, where else would my most-popular piece and my second most-popular piece be on a show and a Jewish calendar period? It’s been a weird trip down the rabbit hole, but also incredibly-satisfying. I think that speaks for itself.

Which leads me to now. Where to go next? For starters, I’ve managed to pursue ambitions to write a novel because of the pandemic. That’s something I’d have sat on without it, so I’m grateful for that. (I’m also almost done.)

Outside of that, I feel more can be done. I recently had a Zoom meeting with my cousin to see where The Whitly-Verse can go from here. It was suggested to use Reddit to expand viewership, but I’m not sure that’s enough. Besides, I like where I am right now, a small-fry with a dedicated audience. I’m not super-popular, or making money, but it’s nice to work at my own pace. It’s comforting.

If I have anything to say to my younger self, it’s this: be patient. Recognize your blessings when they come to you. 30 might seem ancient, but it comes at you fast. Before you know it, you’re having stomach and back problems, and then you realize how little you actually know. It’s humbling.

It also teaches you to slow down. Society prioritizes making a name for yourself early, but that’s not healthy. Lots of successful people only became so after 30, so there’s hope. There’s a chance it could still happen.

That’s all I can say here. Happy birthday to me, and I hope you got something from this!