Thursday, April 11, 2019

Junk Drawer: Hell, Bladders and Jews

Every-so-often, I have blog ideas that are way too short. I usually discard them in-favour of other, fully fleshed-out ones, but occasionally I go for them and they’re padded messes. So I’ve decided to try something new: a blog containing multiple short blogs. (I might do this more if it’s a hit.) You ready?

(And yes, this is a rip-off of Bob Chipman’s Junk Drawer series.)


Hellboy had a tough legacy to live up to. It’s a reboot of a mid/late-2000’s superhero franchise from one of Hollywood’s greats. It also, on that note, bears the same name as the original film in said franchise, and it stars someone who’s taking over for Ron Perlman. Even if the movie hadn’t been poorly-advertised, it’d be next-to-impossible to recreate Guillermo Del Toro’s brilliance. And yet, in spite of everything, it still managed to be a disappointment.

I feel bad. I feel bad because I desperately wanted Hellboy to succeed, and I feel bad because it didn’t. I also feel bad because it seems like David Harbour, who plays Hellboy here, genuinely enjoyed himself. He seems to have really cared, and it shows. So why does everything else fall flat?

I’ll be the first to admit that Del Toro’s take on the character was nothing mind-blowing: Hellboy was a standard and repetitive origin story, with a lot of padding. Hellboy II: The Golden Army, while tighter, had plenty of narrative detours and ended anticlimactically. And the two films had dialogue that fluctuated in quality, with serious moments feeling funnier than they needed to be. The latter also ended with the promise of a trilogy-capper, but since it was a Del Toro project

The only advantage this new movie had was its R-rating. (I know it’s also been touted as “being more-faithful” to its source, but you know my thoughts on that.) An R-rating could’ve allowed for more creative freedom, as evidenced by Harbour’s casual and appropriately-timed F-bomb in one of the trailers. This movie being rated R also meant that it could’ve explored some dark themes, fitting for a character named “Hellboy”. It’s a shame that that didn’t end up mattering, though.

Oh, and the Rotten Tomatoes score reveal, while not unsurprising, came off as mean-spirited.


How about that new Marvel movie? Yeah, I’m excited for The Avengers: Endgame too! I won’t see it right away, for religious reasons, but I’m still excited. I’m even excited that it’ll be a 3-hour epic, something I didn’t expect.

That said, I do have to raise a concern about that. In a recent article, Kevin Feige noted that the movie won’t have an intermission, and that there won’t be anything worth missing anyway. I’m not averse to long, some of my favourites are long, but not having that intermission might be an issue for many people. It’d be an issue for kids, who don’t have the bladder tolerance, but also for the elderly and people with bladder disorders. Given that Marvel movies tend to be mass-appeal, that’s a little bit mean-spirited.

I’m aware that 3+ hour epics aren’t anything new. Hollywood of yesteryear had plenty in the forms of Lawrence of Arabia and The Ten Commandments, and there’ve been dramas since that’ve clocked at over 3-hours. Even my favourite biopic, Schindler’s List, is over 3-hours, and it’s amazing! But a family-friendly action movie clocking over 3-hours becomes unfair when there’s no bathroom or concessions break. Because wouldn’t it make sense to have both built in? Wouldn’t that help theatre chains make more money, something they’d want?

Maybe I’m short-sighted, but if you’re allotting 3+ hours for a single experience, then you might as well be entitled to a small break. You’re paying money for this, after all! If plays, which often go over 3 hours, have intermissions, then why can’t The Avengers: Endgame have one?


So Netflix recently revealed details about its remake of Cowboy Bebop, a show I hold dear, yet haven’t been shy about being critical of. I also agreed with most people that this might not be worthwhile to re-adapt, as the original felt like lightning in a bottle. It’s rare that such a talented production house, writer, director and composer would come together to make something that’d, incidentally, also change the face of dubbing in The West in 2001, so how could anyone replicate that?

Netflix appears to be on the right track so far with its casting. The stars are diverse and fit their characters, something this show needs. My only complaint is John Chu as Spike Spiegel, and not because he’s a terrible actor, or even because he’s Korean. No, I’m concerned that he’s a Korean actor who’s playing a Jewish character.

See, Spike Spiegel sounds like a pretty Jewish name. Or, at least, the last-name does. I know people with that name who are Jewish, that’s how baked in it is with that identity. Spike, in my mind, has always been Jewish, and I was hoping he’d be played by one ever since the original choice of Keanu Reeves fell-through. So while I mean no disrespect to John Chu, I loved him in Searching, I think he’s woefully-miscast.

The question that’s probably swimming through everyone’s heads is, “Why does it matter?” It matters for the same reason that racial miscasting matters: Jews, despite being big in Hollywood, are often overshadowed by non-Jews in roles. The characters that best suit them are usually given to other talents, and they’re left with stereotypes. I can’t begin to tell you how many Jewish characters in Hollywood are rabbis or nerds. It’s embarrassing.

But outside of that, proper casting validates minorities. Remember when Ruby Rose was announced as Batwoman in a show on The CW? Remember when people were upset that she wasn’t Jewish, yet was playing a Jewish character? This is the same sort of scenario, except with John Chu.

I know that the Jewish identity is a weird outlier, in that it defies preconceptions of race and ethnicity. Jews aren’t this homogenized, Euro-centric group, they’re incredibly-diverse. A Jew can be Jewish and Turkish, as is the case with Hank Azaria. A Jew can also be Jewish and black, as is the case with MaNishtana. And a Jew can be Jewish and Asian, as is the case with Kaifeng Jews. So why can’t Spike Spiegel, whom I identify as Jewish, be played by a Korean-Jewish actor? It’s not like South Koreans don’t have a devoted community of Jews and converts, I know a few personally, so can’t Netflix have sent out a casting call to them?

Anyway, that’s all for now. Ponder these completely-unrelated tangents, and I’ll see you next time!

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