Nobody Wants This?

Netflix content is a lottery of quality. Sometimes, like with Stranger Things, it’s fantastic. In other instances, like with Cowboy Bebop, not so much. And then there are times where it isn’t only bad, but offensive. Such is the case with Nobody Wants This, which isn’t out yet, yet has already made me uncomfortable.

For context, this is the brainchild of Erin Foster, a Jewish convert who based this show on personal experience. The show’s about a female podcaster, Joanne, who dates a rabbi, Noah. Despite not being sure what to think, they hit it off and find out they have plenty in common. Unfortunately, their relationship’s frowned on by those close to them, causing friction. Will their relationship survive, or collapse?

A disclaimer needs to be made: this isn’t out yet. Only the trailer’s been released, and trailers are meant to cater to the lowest common denominator. It’s possible the show in question will be good, so take what everything with a grain of salt. Still, that doesn’t mean I’m not frustrated. Because I am.

My general concern so far is that this is playing into a trope known as “The Shiksa-Goddess”. That’s when a Jewish male falls in love with a non-Jewish woman because his family is toxic. He wants to escape the judging of his family, and the girl, who’s really attractive, provides that. This insidious trope’s based in disdain for the male’s Jewish roots, yet it’s so covert that most outsiders, and some insiders, won’t understand what’s wrong.

I have no issues with Jews dating, and ultimately marrying, outside the faith. I have relatives who’ve done so. I also am not against converts, and I welcome those daring enough to join our group. What bothers me, however, is when a Jew-to-non-Jew relationship is used to air dirty laundry about Jews. And this story appears to be doing that. That it’s coming from the perspective of a convert makes everything worse, as it feels like she’s romanticizing her relationship while trashing the “ugliness” of Judaism.

Essentially, this is the convert’s version of “I’m not like other girls”, or The NLOG Trope. The NLOG has come under intense scrutiny, and for good reason, but The Shiksa-Goddess has a long way to go before people stop using it. To have both tropes in one show, and simultaneously, is troubling considering that it’s 2024. Sensitivity readers exist to catch this, and it baffles my mind that this wasn’t vetted. Never mind that the novelty of being a “Jewish-centric” story would allow it to bypass that, as we don’t get enough of those.

Except…is this really Jewish-centric? I know Foster’s Jewish, but “Jew meets non-Jew who’s better than Jew’s social circle” goes back to The Jazz Singer in the 1920’s. Jews aren’t a big group, we’re roughly .25% of the global population, and the chances of not dating or knowing non-Jews are incredibly slim. So when a story like this gets framed as “Jewish-centric”, despite being written by a Jew, it’s insulting because it doesn’t accurately portray us. Why would Jews be nasty and boring? Have you been to a simcha? We’re fun and welcoming too!

I wouldn’t be as frustrated if this premise didn’t already exist in a non-offensive way. Keeping the Faith tells this same story, but respectfully. Ben Stiller’s character, who’s also a rabbi, falls in love with a non-Jewish woman, except not to escape his repressive family. Plus, his non-Jewish lover takes an interest in Judaism, even converting by the end. I have issues with the movie, including how parts are boring, but it tries. That’s more than I can say here.

I know some of this seems weird to my non-Jewish readers, but remember that we’re still a minority with frequently toxic portrayals. Like prosthetic noses and downplaying our Jewish roots, having us ashamed of our roots and wanting to escape through non-Jewish women is offensive and insulting. What’s wrong with being Jewish? And why must we be portrayed as catty to non-Jews?

Yes, Netflix’s target demographics aren’t Jewish. But that’s not exclusive to Netflix, and we Jews have frequently had to adjust our stories in other places. It’s exhausting, especially when authentic representation of cultures and ethnicities is now accepted. So for Jews to not be allowed to tell stories with sensitivity and respect feels like a kick to the groin. It’s bad enough that Antisemitism’s on the rise without this making everything worse! Especially when representation in media has an impact on how we perceive ourselves!

Perhaps I’m reacting too harshly. Netflix doesn’t have a great track-record of quality, even if they’ve made plenty of winners over the years. This is also a Hallmark-quality story in a Netflix package, so it could end up sucking for different reasons. But that Hallmark-quality storytelling’s exactly the problem. And that it’s being told by a convert, one who’s stated that dating a Jew “was the best decision she’d ever made”, makes it all-the-more egregious. Because we deserve better, right? I think so.