Ranking Pixar: 22-16

(Editor’s note: Save for some slight editing, rephrasing and spelling/grammar, the following conversation remains largely unedited. It also contains spoilers, and-for the sake of length-has been chopped up into 3 parts.)

(Our chat begins now.)

How's COVIDtine treating you all? I know I've probably asked that question verbatim at this point, but since we're still technically in quarantine I feel it pertinent to ask.

Anyway, with all of the stress of reality kicking in slowly and surely, I figured I'd take this time to tackle another entry on my bucket list for this time period. Everyone's been doing it, and with the fate of Soul currently up in the air, I guess now's a good time to rank Pixar's 22 films so far for you all. But not alone, though. Say hello to an old friend of mine who I haven't actually collaborated with since early 2016. Welcome JHawk99!

Hi Whitly, thanks for having me! Was it really all the way back in 2016 when we went over Star Wars: The Clone Wars together? Man, time really flies. I've gotten a lot better at writing since then, glad to collaborate with you on another project.

Yeah, January 21st, 2016 is when it went live on my blog. Good times...

To clarify, we're ranking our picks from worst to best here. I don't know any of his, he doesn't know any of mine, which should make this fun and interesting. You ready?

Absolutely!

Alrighty then! Let's kick this off with our #22 entry:

Cars 2 feels simultaneously like a no-brainer and an unfair swipe at Pixar. It's Cars 2! I honestly have a bit of guilt ranking this so low because while it's technically not "good", it's also not the worst thing ever. I think that if it were any other studio than Pixar, it'd probably just be meh.

I mean, I like the premise in theory, and I think the Cars franchise is a good one to choose for a spy thriller premise (the opening chase scene alone is proof of that). I also think using Mater as a vehicle (no pun intended) for not underestimating people is smart, even if Mater himself can be annoying to listen to for prolonged periods of time. But the movie itself meanders, the plot is thin and forced, the message is really preachy and the denouement leaves me scratching my head from all the questions it raises. So while I don't think it's unbearably awful, I completely agree with it being Pixar's worst movie to-date.

It really does feel unfair to start with Cars 2, but it'd be grasping at straws to try and place anything else from Pixar's catalogue in the #22 spot.

Yeah, especially since it's not a boring movie by any stretch of the imagination. But I'm also a sucker for good animation, and this definitely has it.

My thoughts exactly, Cars 2 has a lot of energy; it just lacks substance and feels significantly more "kiddie" than other Pixar films. It's the only time I ever sat in a theater to watch a Pixar movie as a teenager and thought "I don't belong here."

I'm guessing your #22 pick is the same, then?

It is, though I made a valiant effort to find another pick.

Might as well explain why then, even if it's kinda redundant.

Well, Cars 2, as a film, really isn't that bad. I actually enjoyed a lot of the narrative beats, the spy movie premise worked better than it had any right to, and there are some pretty disturbing implications for the Cars universe.

We deal with some pretty heady themes such as: car ableism, car murder, and car...veganism? That are genuinely interesting ideas. My biggest gripe with the movie is how little trust Lightning has in Mater, despite the entire moral of the first Cars movie also being not to judge a book by its cover. For all of its shiny new gadgets and Japanese toilet jokes, Cars 2 treads the same thematic ground as its predecessor. Unfortunately, Pixar is prone to this shortcoming in their sequels...

I remember one of the cars from the first movie being a hippie, so it's not exactly "new" to discuss that here. I also think that while Pixar sequels often do retread in places, this one does so while also not being terribly inspired about it.

I actually remember there being behind-the-scenes complications that led to a director change as well.

Alright, I suppose it's my go for #21 then?

Yep.

Coolio.

My pick for #21 on our list is: The Good Dinosaur, the only Pixar movie so boring I stopped watching it the first time I saw it.

This one would easily be below Cars 2 if it wasn't so gosh darn pretty to look at. There are good ideas in here, but the execution is...let’s just say it's muddled? I was actually really excited for this one when it was announced, it looked like it was going to be a very unique journey of self-discovery and visual story telling. Ultimately, I just couldn't connect with Arlo and that's what really did it in for me.

Wow, didn't expect that! I have a bit of a soft spot for The Good Dinosaur in spite of its flaws, but we'll cover that later.

I'm curious what exactly did it in about Arlo, though. Care to elaborate?

I have a bit of a thing against emotionally manipulative story-telling. A large marketing point of The Good Dinosaur was how real every scrape and bruise on Arlo and Spot looked as they went on their journey together. The Good Dinosaur is a movie in which two children bond over communal suffering. I would have liked to see Arlo be likeable because of the depth of his character and his personality, and not because he's cute and he gets hurt...a lot. Which is emphasized by how good the sound design for this movie is. Every impact, slip, or scrabble feels real. Real painful, too.

Fair enough. I guess I'm also a sucker for certain things that the movie did well.

In keeping with the theme for my bottom entry, #21 for me is Cars 3.

Despite being a massive improvement over its predecessor, Cars 3 also feels like a darker, retreaded book-end of Cars. It's grittier and sadder, probably the saddest entry in the franchise, and I like how it ties into Doc's accident with Lightning's accident at the beginning and how that makes him feel obsolete, but that's only the beginning of it.

I kinda find it annoying how every Cars movie save the second is ridiculously slow and draggy. I also don't like how the ageist jokes keep getting rammed in our faces (get it, Lightning is past his prime?) and the relationship with his trainer, though nice, kinda comes off as embarrassing as someone who did work with a PTA weekly until COVID hit. Like seriously, shouldn't one of the requirements of being a car trainer be that you can race yourself? It seems like a no-brainer.

I do like the final race, though. That was great.

Cars definitely hamstrung itself on its premise. Having a movie where every character is, well, a car, really constricts the kind of story telling you can do to genre films that involve...well, cars!

That said, I think that making a movie about an old athlete is the logical conclusion to the Cars trilogy, and I respect the attempt to make a serious Cars movie.

Yeah. It's tried and true, and arguably overdone, but I guess it makes sense.

#20 is the only place left for me to go: Cars.

It's the most thematically boring of the trilogy, but it definitely has the best story of them all. And while I know that it's "a rip-off of Doc Hollywood" with cars instead of people, it's still very well-executed. I especially like the final race in the movie, and how its lesson about selflessness is one that I can buy into even if it's predictable and tired.

Still, its premise is really simple and the middle feels like filler. I remember not getting the hate the first time I saw it, but reflection has shown the cracks in the foundation. And it has lots of them! But I guess there wasn't much you could've done with a movie about talking cars, even if its original song at the end is absolutely phenomenal (seriously!)

Man, how soft a spot do you have for The Good Dinosaur?

You'll see.

Anyway, what's your #20 pick?

Something controversial.

I'm all ears.

My #20 pick is actually Brave.

We've talked a lot about the shortcoming of Cars, but like you just said for Cars and Cars 3, while their concepts are hackneyed and tired, they are well executed and cohesive. The same cannot be said of Brave. Brave is a movie where the whole is less than the sum of its parts. I loved the setting, I loved some of the characters, I loved the animation, I loved the art direction. Brave had massive potential to be a great adventure movie...and then we got Mother Bear.

I fail to see the controversy here, since a lot of people don't like it.

But the people who do like this movie absolutely adore it.

I'm actually conflicted on Brave, but we'll get to that eventually. It's just interesting hearing how people keep thinking they're dropping a grenade by putting it so low, only for it to be a dud because so many people agree.

Then again, I remember once getting shit from someone on Twitter for saying it wasn't so great, so...maybe.

Leave flowers at my grave after the mob burns me at the stake.

I'll keep that in mind!

Anyway, your turn.

Right-O!

My #19 actually is going to be Cars 3. 

It's an improvement over Cars 2, but it doesn't have the novelty that Cars had, and I really can't justify it going any higher. It's a movie we've all seen before, many times, about the old dog getting back in the game "one last time." It's good, not great, not much more to it than that.

Basically, although I'm surprised you like it more than I do. I should also note that Lightning McQueen's paint-job actually creeps me out in that movie, and I'm glad he sheds it before the finale.

Oh? Why's that?

I can't quite articulate it, but it doesn't feel like him. It'd be like an actor wearing the skin colour of another race in my mind, it feels dirty.

Yet another thing Cars 3 never elaborates on. Whether or not paint is analogous to clothing...or skin?

Yeah...

My #19 is probably gonna insult a few people, but I won't lie: it's Monsters, U.

I get that this is the "college frat boy" movie from Pixar, but it's probably the first Pixar movie to actively bore me for most of its runtime. The ending scene is great, and the message is (while dubious in this economy) nice for those who feel like school isn't for them, but everything else feels like a lame prequel to a great movie. Plus, it retcons Mike and Sully's relationship, and Randall's sudden turn from good to evil feels cheap and stupid.

Gotta give it up to that end scene again, though. If any effort went into this movie, it was definitely in Sully scaring the adult humans.

I knew Monsters, U was going to be on the bottom half of this list, but I'm surprised to see it so low on yours. I thought some of the action set-pieces were inventive, and I enjoyed the idea of Monster College way more than I ever expected. This was one of those movies I thought I'd totally pass over that I have a soft spot for.

And now you know my stance on The Good Dinosaur. Though, to be honest, part of my disdain for this one could also be that the theatre was mostly empty by the time I got to it (I saw it at a matinee showing a month and a half late.)

I saw it in full for the first time on syndication.

I was also 23 when it came out, and still in university at the time. So if any Pixar movie should've spoken to me, it was that one. But it felt more like an 80's college movie than a contemporary one.

Now that, that is a legitimate criticism. Monsters, U is not grounded in the modern day college experience at all. I think I would have been much harsher on it had it not taken place in a universe so far removed from our own.

Kinda makes me want a Monsters, Community College movie, now that you mention it.

Hah!

#18 will probably shock a few people with how high it is, but I'm going with Brave here.

Why? Because despite how misleading it was, or even how much trouble went on behind-the-scenes (seriously, what happened to Brenda Chapman's vision?), the movie's theme of parental-child disenfranchisement is one that anyone with a rocky relationship with their parents (like I did at the time) can relate to. If anything, Merida's rekindling with her mother is what makes this movie not fall into further mediocrity.

Still, I don't think it's great. It may look and sound amazing, and I like how it touches on Scottish history, but a lot of the side characters are annoying and shallow, and the whole thread with the Queen becoming a bear is basically Brother Bear 2.0. I seriously think that having too many writers and directors actually hurt this, as it's a real mess!

I was wondering how much higher you were going to let Brave go. I definitely agree about the relationship between Merida and her mother being compelling, but it was bogged down by The Queen's inability to speak for the majority of the film. The message reads less as "seek inter-generational compromise," and more "put the opposing party in a position where they literally can't communicate with you so they have to acquiesce," and that doesn't really sit right with me.

I guess what I'm trying to say is: if you're going to make a movie about talking to your parents, the parental characters should probably be capable of human speech.

I guess I'm also a little biased because: a. One of my cousin's friends looked just like Merida at the time. b. I was late in asserting my independence. and c. The ending made me cry.

Oh, I absolutely have some biased picks on this list.

I'm sure you do. What's your #18 pick?

A biased pick. Coming in at #18 on my list: Incredibles 2.

Go on...

This one really soured over time for me. I loved it the first time I saw it, and it got progressively less fun with each repeated viewing. A lot of the action is very well directed, but it doesn't have the same feeling of scale as its predecessor. I didn't like the twist villain, I thought a lot of the thematic elements, (like Bob learning to appreciate his wife) weren't explored with the same level of nuance or creativity as we had seen in The Incredibles, and it has a blatant disregard for people with epilepsy. (Editor's note: click with caution.)

I was also going through a rough breakup at the time, so it’s not a film I like to revisit given the chance; though that doesn't necessarily have any impact on what I think of the film.

It seems like the Pixar film that prompted a trigger warning also happens to be really divisive. (Though I personally think that it's better than many people give it credit.) Sorry about the breakup, though.

Bah, water under the bridge! I think this movie really struggled with expectation. The Incredibles was a very tough act to follow, and waiting fourteen years to do it doesn't help the sequel's case. As you'll see later on this list, Brad Bird has directed some of my favorite Pixar films, so I was a little disappointed to see him make something so...milquetoast.

I could also be partial because I hated Tomorrowland so much, and this was an improvement on many fronts...

Tomorrowland. There's a discussion for another time.

No need, I've already ranted about it.

You and everybody else on the planet. Myself included.

Damon Lindelof isn't a good writer, Hollywood! Sheesh!

Anywho, moving on to my next pick.

Coming in at #17 on my list: Cars. 

Yes, I'm putting the first Cars movie above Incredibles 2. Fight me. This movie's concept has definitely not aged well, but this thing was a merchandising titan back in good old '06.

I have a bit of a nostalgic soft spot for this one, it was a novel concept at the time, and it strikes a tonal balance that its sequels (and spinoffs) failed to capture. It didn't take itself too seriously, but it didn't take itself too lightly, either. It had, in my opinion, an incredibly likeable cast of side characters. Despite some of this movie's uglier flaws (like sexism). I really enjoyed Radiator Springs before it turned into an oversaturated tourist trap with sequels and Mater shorts.

Life is a highway, amirite? Also, if Pixar's gonna make money to fund their other, better ventures, it'd make sense to do it with this one. It's also kinda interesting how all three Cars movies came out before or after big hits.

Hey, say what you will, but that song is a bop. And make money they did! Following Cars, Pixar made some of their most poignant, experimental, and beautiful films to date.

What's even more interesting is that the Cars sequels actually feel more inspired than other non-Toy Story continuations. They may not have been, y'know...good; but somehow the movie designed to sell you cute Hot Wheels had more personality than something like, well, Incredibles 2.

By the way, Cars still has one of John Ratzenberger's best lines in a Pixar movie (it's when he calls out his cameos in the post-credits sequences.)

I'd fight you about that statement, but I'll let my list speak for itself.

I am very interested to see your opinions on some of my spicier takes.

Duly noted.

My #17 pick is The Good Dinosaur.

"What?! That high?!?!" Calm down. I know it's not great. But I have a soft-spot for some of the jokes (including that trippy fruit sequence) and the underlying theme of learning to fend for yourself while still being yourself. The movie has a lot of heart to it, and while it's jarring when you juxtapose the photorealistic backgrounds with the cartoony designs, I think Arlo and Spot are fun characters in their own right.

I think I'm also biased because this is my version of The Land Before Time with the "dead relative" point. Y'see, I'd almost lost my dad the year before to a massive heart attack, so that anxiety was still fresh in my mind. That, and the resolution for Spot was quite touching.

But yeah, it's not great. It's weird how of the two Pixar movies to release in 2015, this is the one that didn't come together. Especially since both movies went through major production Hell.

I mean, you don't agree with me, so obviously you need to be burnt at the stake.

I'll get the marshmallows!

That's very kind of you. We'll be coming back around to a lot of points you just brought up in some of my later entries. Like the other Pixar film from 2015, emotionally manipulative storytelling, and dead relatives! (Oh my!)

The movie definitely does have heart, though, I will absolutely give you that.

I wonder where this is going...

#16 is A Bug’s Life, which frequently gets pitted against Antz in a culture war.

I was debating between this and my #15 pick, but this one lost out slightly because even though it's a cute movie, most of its characters are bland, forgettable, or both. It also borrows way too heavily from Seven Samurai and Aesop's fables, and it shows in its premise. It's also hard to stomach Hopper these days knowing what we know about Kevin Spacey...

I was very curious where A Bug’s Life would place with you because of its complicated history. I personally quite enjoy it, but it's a difficult film to judge fairly with everything we know about its troubled production history and, of course, Kevin Spacey being a garbage person.

I disagree on the inspiration from Seven Samurai as a negative, but we'll come back to that when it shows up on my list.

To be fair, I do still like it. But I just like Antz a tad more, as it takes more risks and better executes its premise despite meandering a lot (and that Woody Allen is also a garbage person.)

Man, what is it with terrible people and being involved with these two movies?

That's nothing! You should see what John Lasseter was like!

I was referring to him as well.

Yeah...

...Yeah.

Anyway, I'm sure your #16 will make me angry, but go ahead anyway.

Oh, it absolutely will. My #16 is Monsters, U, the film nobody asked for and that I somehow wound up kinda liking.

I don't think anybody expected this one to be good, I can't name a single person who was like "gee willikers, am I excited to see Mike and Sully share a bunk bed!" But it actually had a lot of fun with its premise, and I could see why it was worth going back to the Monsters Universe. Sure, there were some minor retcons, but I thought it was interesting to see how monster society affected the classic "college movie" tropes; even if that genre is from an era long gone by Monsters, U's release.

I'm not angry, just disappointed.

See, just like this movie, I'm defying expectations.

I guess I'm the cynic, because, like I said earlier, I didn't connect with it despite it being made for me. It actually kinda annoyed me in places, though, again, that final scene where Sully and Mike scare those adults was brilliant!

I don't really think this movie was made for college kids of the 2010s. I personally took it as being meant for people closer to Mike and Sully's age in the first movie, who grew up with this image of the college experience in their media.

The short made about this movie was much better, but whatever.

(To be continued in Part 2…)

My Star Wars Day Contribution

Holy heckin’ wow!

One of my earliest pieces on The Whitly-Verse was a collaboration with a friend on Star Wars: The Clone Wars, its brilliance and why it deserved to be watched. That was despite missing its conclusion and the events leading up to Star Wars Ep. III: Revenge of the Sith. For the longest time, I thought there’d be no conclusion at all! After all, the franchise had moved on with Star Wars Rebels, so why hold any hope?

Cue this teaser:

Yeah baby! (Courtesy of Rotten Tomatoes TV.)

It’s rare when a cancelled TV series gets rescued and revived, but it looks like we got that! And hey, the aesthetic received an upgrade to coincide with Disney money backing it! The only downside was that we’d have to wait until 2020. That, and it’d be available on Disney+, which kinda sucked. Even with its weekly syndication giving me time to catch up, I was still hesitant to actually get a subscription. But my lack of better judgement finally got a hold of me long enough to cave and watch the show.

And give it credit: it’s still great! I couldn’t have asked for a better finale, even if it takes 2/3 of its runtime to get there. Because even with the first eight episodes being self-contained, and the second-arc going back in time to right after Season 5 ended, it was clear that what made this work was still there. It was still obvious that the show-runners cared. And that’s what matters most.

As for the season itself? Without going into too much detail, the first four episodes adapt an abandoned story from 2013: The Bad Batch. Focusing on a team of controversial clones, this arc has the beating heart that made the show: high stakes, plenty of action, lots of carnage and destruction, the likes. It also ends on a note befitting of the show, which was nice.

The second four episodes, as I said before, go back in time to Season 5’s finale and show what happened after its heartbreaking conclusion. It’s a good arc, containing plenty of stealth and banter, but it feels like filler. My big complaint is how detached it is from the rest of the season, falling into the category of “lesser-quality”. Still, it ends on a tie-in to the season finale, albeit loosely, so I can’t fault it for that. This arc gets a pass.

The final arc, which feels like a movie divided into four episodes, is where everything coalesces. The Mandalore subplot, which the show dove into a few times, finally gets its conclusion, and the fights are some of the best I’ve seen. I also like how it combines details from the last film in The Prequel Trilogy, even going forward with Order 66. It’s tense and intense, helped by a dramatic improvement in the animation’s quality. And it’s emotional. If anything, this is the best arc in the season, and I appreciate the show-runners saving it for last. It makes the journey more worth it.

But that’s the show for you: a rollercoaster of highs and lows, and never simultaneously. But there also isn’t a Rush Clovis or Jar-Jar Binks episode, making the season a complete upgrade from ones past. It’s refreshing. It actually makes me wish the season was longer, showing more of the conflict, but I guess Disney wanted to get this out of the way. Especially when, factoring in the pilot movie, this whole show is roughly 47 hours long. That’s almost 2 days’ worth of binging. Think about that for a minute.

Nevertheless, if you had to waste 47 hours of your life on a show, then you could definitely do much worse. Especially with the two, “unofficial” endings being as compelling as the “official” one. Because you’re still getting Star Wars. And Star Wars is always a treat.

It’s all-the-more fitting that I caved and binged this season on May 4th, the unofficial day of Star Wars in general. Because while much of the fanbase was arguing over which Star Wars is “good Star Wars”, or expressing how toxic the fans are, I was catching up on a favourite series of mine that I only really started about 5 years ago. That might make me a “late fan of the show”, but better now than never! I mean, what else was I going to watch?

Anyway, this is a fitting resolution to this 133 episode series + a movie. It’s one I whole-heartedly recommend to fans, and it’s available to watch on Disney+. It may not be “the best Star Wars content out there”, even, but it’s worth it. I mean that sincerely.

I guess this is why Star Wars has endured: it has different connections to different people. For some, The Original Trilogy is Star Wars, nothing more. For others, The Prequels get factored into that. Still others get a rush out of The Sequels. And then there are fans of the ancillary material, of which this qualifies. Me, personally? I get a kick out of all of it, especially when you have a show that’s as good as many of the films that’ve inspired it. It’s to be expected when you have talented individuals on an ambitious and long-running series like Star Wars: The Clone Wars.

So yes, watch Season 7. Now, should I stream Season 1 of The Mandalorian before my trial of Disney+ expires too, or should I hold off until I can afford a subscription? Decisions, decisions!

The Shakespearean Marvel

When it comes to Bob Chipman, I find myself of two mindsets. The first is the “bad hot-takes” Bob Chipman, riddled with racism and ableism disguised in progressive rhetoric. I see that frequently in his Tweets, hence why I don’t Follow him on Twitter. The other’s the “insightful analyst” Bob Chipman, which has only grown stronger with time. Both of these come into conflict regularly, leaving me with mixed feelings.

As uncomfortable as Bob can be, and I’ve criticized him before, I find his insights into general culture are pretty spot-on. Case in point: last week he put out an episode of The Big Picture that touched on a particular moment in The Avengers: Endgame, Captain America wielding Mjolnir for the first time, and the reaction it received at a live-screening of the film. It seems so weird that such a trivial detail would warrant that reaction, but he argued that it was inevitable. To paraphrase, Marvel movies are the modern-day equivalent of Greek theatre/Shakespearean theatre on the big-screen. Fancy that.

Bob made his case, and succeeded, but it got me thinking about how true that was. I’ve heard plenty of comparisons about The MCU on both sides of the fence, but never one to Shakespeare. I’ve heard “action serials”, “popcorn fluff” and, in the worst-case scenario, “brainless, trashy garbage” uttered in the same breath as them, but Shakespeare? Well…yes. I think that’s apt.

Let me explain.

William Shakespeare is held in high-regard now by academia, sometimes for the wrong reasons, but he wasn’t always considered “high art”; in fact, to paraphrase Bob again, in Shakespeare’s day you’d be hard-pressed to make that case. He was commoner’s trash! Schmaltzy slop for the everyday man! A maestro of bodily sounds, sexual depravity, and other traits that, by today’s standards, would be pretty juvenile! Sure, he wrote his plays with royalty in mind, one of his works centred around an ancestor of Queen Elizabeth I, but he was pretty “lowest common denominator” when compared to his peers. Doctor Faustus, by Christopher Marlowe, was more-sophisticated than anything Shakespeare wrote!

Even as a Shakespeare fan, I take issue with many facets of his work: Hamlet has too many existential quandaries. King Lear has a famous scene that’s uncharacteristic of his prose. The Two Gentlemen of Verona’s a lot of build-up to an awful pay-off, hence why I don’t like it. Coriolanus has his hardest protagonist to care about, as he’s not even likeable in an unlikeable way, and it ends on an anticlimactic note. And while I understand its appeal with younger audiences, I think Romeo and Juliet’s over-exposed.

But you know what? It doesn’t matter. Enough people resonate with Shakespeare that, even if not everything he’s written lands with me, I can overlook his shortcomings and appreciate the spectacle. Because it’s definitely spectacle. You don’t study Shakespeare, you experience him. His plays aren’t meant to be read, though reading them is definitely worthwhile, they’re meant to be seen. Whether on-stage or the big-screen, Shakespeare’s best-enjoyed in the presence of an audience.

And give him credit: centuries later, Shakespeare’s stood the test of time! Whereas works like Doctor Faustus are niche now, Shakespeare’s graduated to high-art (for some reason). He’s also become the basis for many great adaptations, including West Side Story. He’s endured, for better or worse.

All the more reason why Marvel films, which take inspiration from Greek and Shakespearean theatre, have such a lasting influence on the culture of our times. They’re, quite literally, the Hamlets or Julius Caesars of today. They also share many of the shortcomings of Shakespeare’s work, a complete lack of subtlety the big one. And while there are far better movies in the comic superhero format, at the same time you’ll never top the euphoria of seeing Captain America wield Thor’s hammer for the first time, or the crushing low of Tony Stark’s death, without the history that The MCU was building up to for 11 years.

So yes, I think that Bob was spot-on here. I also agree that, 50 years from now, The MCU could potentially acquire the “elitist” status that Shakespeare has in the centuries since his passing, even if the intricacies of canon get lost to time. But if that’s not convincing enough, think about it this way: you watch Stanley Kubrick, since he’s so brilliant, but you live Steven Spielberg, since he’s so populist in nature. Kubrick might technically be the better filmmaker, but Spielberg’s the more-accessible one. And if the two could still be friends and respect one another’s craft, then I think that says it all.

Look, I don’t always agree with Bob Chipman. I don’t always like Bob Chipman, either! He can be grating, insensitive and ableist, and sometimes all at once. But the fact that he can also nail down the cultural zeitgeist of a particular subject speaks volumes. He doesn’t always get it, but when he does? *Chef’s kiss*

Ultimately, you have a choice: you can recognize that Bob Chipman’s a troubling figure with occasional bouts of wisdom, or you can look at his Tweets and not care because he’s ableist. Or you can take the ableist route yourself and fat-shame him, which many people do. It’s up to you.

IRDulogy

On April 17th, 2018, 2 years ago today, Infinite Rainy Day, the Blogger site that I couldn’t shut up about, closed down. Its closing entry, about a niche video game, was its last. Speaking personally, this was a sad moment. I’ve always been fascinated with writing, but this time was different. This hit hard. If anything, it was because I was also its most-frequent contributor.

What was Infinite Rainy Day, or IRD? It was an anime discussion/reviewing blog, one of many. But what set it apart was that it had purpose. The site, initially consisting of 7 staff, was a hub for material you’d “save for a rainy day”. It was content for when it was raining and you were stuck indoors. That was the appeal of its name, banner, layout and various podcasts.

IRD was my first serious writing position, even receiving a small sum for my posts. Before IRD, I struggled to make myself known online. I had a profile on ScrewAttack, where I was busy posting content, but my reach was limited. I didn’t have much of a following, and I wasn’t getting paid. I knew my IRD boss in passing, but we didn’t even have a working relationship. So when he petitioned for writers, I took a gamble and offered my services. IRD then officially launched on June 27th, 2014 with two pieces ready to go, both from other writers.

My first piece, the first in an incomplete retrospective on Digimon: Digital Monsters, released on July 2nd, 2014. My retrospective, all 4 entries, remains an anomaly. It was the most-similar to my ScrewAttack content, containing censored profanity, disjointed thoughts and long-winded summaries. That retrospective pushed me to my limits, exhausting me enough to abandon it after finishing my second entry on Digimon Tamers in the early-Fall.

It wasn’t until my next piece that I really got into a groove with my writing. In fairness, I’d had my worst Summer in recent memory: my dad had a massive heart attack that June, and the stress of whether or not he’d recover was weighing me down. Additionally, Israel was at war, which was also tiring. Even after leaving for Birthright, a trip I was initially hesitant to attend, having a routine wasn’t really on my mind. If anything, it was a low priority.

The situation improved by early-2015. It was in 2015 that I was promoted to assistant editor, which gave me keys to site editing and statistics. It was the year IRD kicked off, drawing some of its most-ardent fans and highest views. It was also when the writing staff was at their most-ambitious, churning out podcasts and blog entries galore. Life was good.

In 2016, to help keep up with demand, my boss added 5 new writers for Seasonal Reviews. At times, they even contributed to regular content. But I was insistent on constantly writing new pieces, so I did. And fans took notice, with yet another Views boom come Summer. If 2015 was when IRD got going, then 2016 was when the site peaked in quality. There was even enough momentum to revamp the site to its current model.

Unfortunately, such wasn’t to last. As personal stresses began taking their toll, my boss reduced the workload. 3 times a week was a lot, after all, so why not 2? That was more manageable. It even allowed the staff to pace themselves and work longer on their pieces. It was a fair compromise, but I still churned out content regularly.

Sadly, the stresses of life were becoming hectic. Staff began asking for time to focus on other projects, and by late-2017 the cracks were showing. As our site Discord server indicated, it was clear this wouldn’t last. Finally, in early-2018, my boss broke the news: IRD was closing up shop. The site would remain active for people to peruse, but it wouldn’t be around for much longer. I managed to shove in my last piece on April 10th, 2018, a week before the final post.

So what happened? Simple: we were too ambitious for our own good. Ignoring personal issues, which we all had, the site became a side-job most of us lacked the time for. If you look at the trajectory of posts, by late-2017 only 4 of us were regularly posting. By early-2018, that number dropped to 3. Of them, most were from me, as I had the most free-time. But even then, it was causing strain to keep up with content while writing for The Whitly-Verse, which sprung up to fill a need that IRD couldn’t.

In other words, IRD wasn’t practical anymore. Still, I wasn’t too upset. Writing for the site provided me with a source of spending money, as well as a chance to flex my creativity for a larger audience. IRD was also a stepping stone in the evolution of my style, one I initially had to modify to meet its limitations. I thrived there, and I’m grateful for the experience.

I sometimes wonder what’d have happened if IRD continued: would I have continued on with it? Would I be posting as frequently in The Whitly-Verse? Would I have worked up the courage to apply for my short-lived stint on Nintendo Enthusiast? But I guess there’s no point pondering any of that. For now, I can only look back at what was, and what was felt like a writing dream.

So here’s to IRD and its 447 posts, 149 of them from me (I’ve counted)! Here’s to its successes and failures, and to the lessons it taught me! Let’s pour one out for this bad boy, shall we?

My COVIDtine Routine

COVIDtine’s been tough on everyone. I think that’s safe to say without much repercussion. Between staying indoors, eating in because I don’t know who’s touched what, or having little to do, it’s easy to be more bored now than when my alma mater went on strike in 2008. At least then I could routinely go to restaurants and my then-local Blockbuster, something I can’t do now. But I digress.

I figured I’d share some stuff I’ve been doing, or attempting to do, to keep occupied. Considering that this’ll probably go on for a while, and possibly start up again in the Fall, I’ve gotta stay busy!

Building/streaming Super Mario Maker 2 levels.

I’ve covered this in a previous post, but one of the ways I’ve kept busy, mostly during the beginning of COVIDtine, is by designing Super Mario Maker 2 levels on my Switch. I’d also test them out and share them on Twitch. It sounds mundane and repetitive, but it’s amazing how rewarding the whole experience is. I get to create, and I get to share. Simple as that!

But how does someone with no architectural degree manage to make complex designs? After all, I currently have 25 levels in my queue. Well, the game lays out everything in advance. All the tiles and templates are pre-programmed. You simply put them together and test them out, like a LEGO set. It’s all about trial-and-error.

Once finished, I upload the levels and share their 9-digit codes on Twitch. It takes a while before the levels are played, sometimes hours, but the anticipation gives me enough of an adrenaline rush to stay way up well into the AM. That’s not the healthiest for my internal body clock, and I see that when I wake up super-late the following morning, but I can’t help it! It’s addictive to make and share levels, which is why I’ve decided to focus on other endeavours. Endeavours like…

Writing online.

Arguably much healthier, writing is my go-to in times of stress. Whether it’s Tweeting to my Followers, or producing content for this blog, it’s allowed an outlet that I wouldn’t have been engrossed in otherwise. I have an overactive mind, one with lots of ideas, so writing’s therapeutic. I’m doing it right now! And you’re all reading it!

As for topics? They vary from mundane, which is what this is, to more general, which is what I usually discuss. Being tied down to nothing, I can tackle whatever I want on The Whitly-Verse. If I wish to discuss a movie and politics back-to-back, I can. And sometimes in the same piece. The sky’s the limit!

It helps that, knowing more about writing than when The Whitly-Verse first started, I can manipulate the algorithm so that obscure topics get more coverage than mainstream ones. This is the site where my second most-popular piece is on The Omer, which is starting again shortly. You can call that cheating, but I call it being practical. And who knows? I have plenty of ideas up my sleeve with my newfound free time, like…

Coursera.

I’ve mentioned it a few times on Twitter, but I guess it’s official: I’ve gone back to school. I’ve enrolled in a free course through The University of Michigan on novel writing. It was suggested by a family-friend when the teaching gig for Chinese students I was recommended fell through, and while initially hesitant, I’m enjoying writing my own, original fiction again. It’s something I haven’t done in years, and I’ve gotten rusty. Thankfully, I now have that venue.

What makes Coursera interesting is how self-guided it is. There’s no official deadline for any assignments, you simply have to make sure to finish them. Part of that involves giving feedback to the other classmates, too. Not only am I getting to reboot my YA science fiction story from years back, I’m also sharpening my critical thinking skills. Everyone wins!

As a final note, I’m loving my course professor. Not only is his voice soothing, but his instructions for every lecture are easy to comprehend. He’s given lots of freedom to his students, and it shows. He trusts us to be respectful and kind, even when being critical, which I like. He’s even allowed us to copyright our own work! And I discuss my progress with family, which leads to…

Family time.

One of the benefits, if you can call it that, of being in COVIDtine is that I’m spending more time with immediate family, both at home and online. It’s not like I didn’t spend time with them before, I live at home, but, save for Shabbat, they’d usually go about their lives. They’d either work, have meetings, or both. And I’m often out of the house to watch movies at the theatre. Even at dinnertime, when everyone’s together, I talk to my family for a half-hour at best, assuming we all eat simultaneously.

COVIDtine’s changed that. My dad and brother are still working, but they’re doing it from home. This means I get to see them more frequently, which allows me to talk to them more frequently too. It’s a luxury I’m being spoiled with. And I might start feeling overwhelmed.

There are lots of ways family time manifests: we rearranged the basement so that it’s neat and tidy, which was hard. I’ve gone on long walks with my brother on Shabbat. I’ve talked to my other brother over FaceTime, even conversing with my niece and nephew. I’ve also had a few Zoom chats with the extended family. And speaking of Zoom…

Zoom support networks.

Prior to COVIDtine, I had no idea what Zoom was. Since COVIDtine, I’ve not only downloaded it on my phone and computer, but I’ve used it as a way to connect with friends and co-workers. It’s great! Given that Zoom can host many people, it allows me to talk to them all at once. It’s a lifesaver for my sanity.

There’ve been several ways Zoom has helped me stay level-headed. For one, my courier job has “Tea Time”, where of all my co-workers congregate, twice a week. Two, my synagogue has pre-Shabbat and post-Shabbat ceremonies on Fridays and Saturdays. And three, I’ve attended various programs. All of these have helped.

Above all else, Zoom keeps everything in perspective. COVIDtine is tiring. It’s also incredibly stressful. Given how it’s been playing out, it might not let up for a while. Having Zoom, which has been my social interaction, as a regular part of my schedule, even if only for a few minutes at once, is amazing. (You can even download it here. The basic service doesn’t cost anything.)

And there you go: my COVIDtine outlets. Thanks for reading, and I’ll see you next time!

The Scorsese Conundrum

With COVIDtine lasting who-knows-how-long, I figured now was a good time to get to my backlog. I’ve already cleaned my basement and gotten more use of my Twitch account, but I guess it was inevitable that I sit down and watch one of the most-hyped movies of last year: The Irishman. I was initially hesitant for two reasons: 1. It’s extremely long. 2. I’m divided on Martin Scorsese’s filmography. Still, better now than never!

Since I don’t have much to say about the movie-it was okay-perhaps I’ll elaborate on that second point: Scorsese got into hot water last year over his remarks on Marvel movies. I’ve already said my two cents on the matter, but the timing of The Irishman’s release couldn’t have been poorer-timed with this fiasco. I say that not only because it’s unfair to both Scorsese and The MCU, but also because I feel guilty for having thoughts on Scorsese’s body of work. And I do. Though, sadly, they’re not exactly positive.

Now, I don’t think Scorsese’s films are bad. I happen to really like Hugo, considering it one of the best movies of 2011. Scorsese doesn’t make “bad” movies, but even at the best of times he doesn’t inspire me. I don’t connect with his oeuvre because his characters don’t resonate with me. And that’s disappointing for such a prolific master of cinema.

Take Taxi Driver. Containing one of film’s most-famous moments, it follows a Vietnam veteran who drives taxis and is a bit of a loner. The film’s premise is that the world around Travis Bickle’s so broken and corrupt that it turns him into a sociopath, but nothing really screams that. Travis doesn’t snap so much as go into “hero mode” to save some underaged prostitutes from an abusive pimp, and while I’m expected to “believe” that “he’s going mad”, between the bad acting, choppy direction and stale voiceover work, I’m unconvinced. It says a lot when Joker, a cheap knock-off that I despised, manages to out-Taxi Driver Taxi Driver, as at least I bought Arthur Fleck’s descent into madness.

Next we have Goodfellas. The peak of Scorsese’s “house style”, Goodfellas also does it the best. But it still falls short of what it could’ve been. Like Taxi Driver, you’re not supposed to “like” Henry Hill, but I don’t even care enough to despise him. I actually find him grating, and not in a good way. I also find the voiceover narration to be hit-or-miss, and many of scenes drag on for too long. Even the ending, while clever, feels anticlimactic.

Moving on to the film that won Scorsese the Oscar, The Departed left next-to-no impact on me outside of its excessive use of bigoted language. The film’s a cat-and-mouse game with supposed ambiguity, but I find that it meanders and is really simplistic. By the time the story picks up with that phone scene, I was checked out. At least the last shot is great, though by then I was waiting for the film to put itself out of its misery.

Then we get to The Wolf of Wall Street. The second film of Scorsese’s that I saw in theatres, I can’t really say much other than that it was okay. Not bad, not great, but okay. It had excellent acting, voiceover and jokes, and its closing scene is brilliant, but it’s way too long and feels tiring. That makes sense for a film about excess, but it doesn’t really capitalize on its point: am I supposed to like, hate, or be indifferent to these morons? American Hustle somehow pulled off that balance while also having a focused narrative.

Which leads me to The Irishman. For something so heavily-touted as being “masterful”, I wasn’t impressed. I could nitpick it forever: its de-aging technology doesn’t really work. It’s way too long. Anna Paquin is criminally-underused. Its death count rarely matters, with most of its characters dying off-screen. It only comes together in the last 30 minutes, leaving 3 hours with an uncertain build up. And its big “twist”, who the protagonist is relaying his story to, is never revealed. It might be a miracle that this film made it to Netflix, but for something so high-profile it doesn’t resonate with me.

I think this can said of Scorsese as a whole: he doesn’t grab me. Talented director though he is, he never grabs me enough to love his schtick. Perhaps that’s why Hugo stood out: it deviates so heavily from the director’s style that it feels unique. Maybe I’m in the minority, but I’d sooner re-watch that than the aforementioned films.

Maybe I’m being overly-harsh. Maybe I’m “not getting” why he’s a master of cinema. But chalking it up to ignorance, especially given my complaints, is dishonest. Like I said, Martin Scorsese doesn’t make bad movies. Even at his most-forgettable, I still appreciate his attempts at innovating film. He also seems like a lovely guy, which isn’t something I can say for many other directors. But I guess he’s not for me, and that’s okay.

Does The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker Still Hold Up In 2020?

A while ago I wrote a piece for Nintendo Enthusiast on whether or not Super Mario 64 holds up. You can read it here, but it’s disappointing that my follow-up wasn’t approved before I got cut. So I figured that I’d do it here. Brace yourselves.

I’ve never been big on the Zelda franchise. The games are well-made, and I don’t consider any to be “bad”, but they’re incredibly frustrating to play. Some of them, like The Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask, I don’t like altogether, but most of them I simply feel indifferent about. And nowhere’s this more-apparent than The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker, which I finally sat down and played for the first time a few years ago. Considering its status in the Zelda fandom, I have a lot to say about it. And I’m going to, because why not?

I should state what I liked first: the game looks gorgeous. One of the unfortunate pitfalls of older games in 3D is that they’ve aged poorly visually. Even with Zelda, the N64 entries look like blocky, unappealing mush, complete with texture distortion and clipping issues. This game lacks that, looking better now than in the early-2000’s. Sure, it’s easy to see the limitations, but the game’s “Saturday Morning Cartoon” aesthetic helps bypass that. It’s also cel-shaded, and I have a weakness for that.

Speaking of, I have to mention the game’s decision to theme itself around water. The water effects, simply put, look amazing. This came out around the time of Finding Nemo, and both titles pushed their mediums to the limit. It’s easy to get lost in the oceans of The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker, which is great because you spend so much time traversing them. It’s, in some ways, relaxing.

Speaking of relaxing, the game’s music is too. Whether it’s the overworld theme, which is as slow and soothing as it is upbeat and energetic, or Dragon Roost Island, there’s no shortage of great tracks. Even the piece from the final fight, which is somewhat "choir-esque in epic chorus", is fitting. (The latter somewhat reminds me of the final battle in Super Mario World 2: Yoshi’s Island.)

I like the game’s use of stealth, particularly when you’re trying to rescue Aryll. It’s a nice change of pace from what’s normally expected in a Zelda game, forcing you to think on your feet. I’m not normally a big fan of stealth missions, so that’s high praise! Plus, it gives you a chance to play tricks on enemies! Who doesn’t like that?

The game’s combat’s also great. This is the first franchise entry to incorporate timing and skill in the sword-fights, which you see a lot of. Whether it’s deflecting Phantom Ganon’s attacks, or taking out an enemy’s shield/armour, you have to work at earning your victories. You can’t cheat to win, you have to be resourceful. It takes a little getting used to, but it can be incredibly rewarding.

Finally, I like the game’s tone. I like how post-apocalyptic it is, taking place after the world was flooded. I also like, at least in theory, how sorrowful Ganon is. He doesn’t simply want to be evil, and while I think he represents a missed opportunity (more on that later), at least there was thought there. He at least has a motive.

That’s fine and dandy, but I did say I had issues with this game. The most-obvious is the decision to have sailing as the focus, yet making it slow and-at times-boring. This is mostly attributable to the islands being scattered all-over. At times you’re forced to backtrack to different parts of the ocean for in-game objectives, sometimes one after the other. You can change the flow of the wind with your Wind Waker (more on that in a bit), buy a faster sail and find an enemy that allows you to warp to discovered islands instantaneously, but even with that it feels tedious. Add in that the map only opens up later in the game, and it becomes a chore to travel.

I guess I’d be less-miffed if there were more enemies to fight. This is something 3D Zelda games pre-The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess were all guilty of: big, expansive overworlds with lots of detail, yet minimal enemies to fill them with. It makes it feel empty, boring and lacking life. It also gives you next-to-nothing to do when travelling to your next objective. And it gets frustrating.

On the note, I’m not a fan of the Wind Waker item. It’s this game’s version of an Ocarina, but although neat in theory…in practice it requires too much precision and rote memory to use properly. It also doesn’t speed up the game’s arduous sailing, even if it changes wind directions with a simple tune. It feels like you need to be a musical pro to use it, which I’m not.

Then there’s that blasted Tri-Force Shards quest. It takes place right before you enter the final dungeon, and it grinds the game to a near-halt. The point is to add a scavenger hunt, but collecting fragments of The Tri-Force of Courage, which can be tedious, is a pain and incredibly confusing. Even the Wii U remaster, which improved this quest, can’t break from its monotony. It’s also the only part where I was chained to a walkthrough.

Switching gears, the dungeons and dungeon bosses also annoy me. With the former, the Boss Key and Boss Door are never within close proximity. You have to always backtrack to get to the doors, which are usually in an unhelpful spot. And the bosses aren’t terribly creative. They usually aren’t even that intense or difficult, consisting of 3 minutes or so of lazy repetition. I don’t normally mind an easy fight, I’m not great at video games, but some more thought would’ve been nice!

Speaking of bosses, Ganon, while the only tough fight in the game, is a missed opportunity. I appreciate the attempt at making him fleshed-out, especially compared to previous iterations, but his motives are rushed, jammed into the final confrontation and make no sense: so you wanted to rebuild your kingdom after the world was flooded? Why not move? Better yet, why not rebuild it on the bits of land offered to you post-flood? Ganon’s motives are shallow, and he abandons his goal almost immediately after The King of Hyrule touches The Tri-Force.

I also don’t like how the game, like every Zelda game, relies on franchise knowledge to solve puzzles. It’s not always bad, I know that the weapon I find in a dungeon will be used for the dungeon’s main boss, but then you have memorizing which door to go through after defeating Phantom Ganon in the final dungeon. Whenever he drops his sword and flees, you’re supposed to take note of which direction the blade’s pointing. It might be neat for experienced players, but how would a novice gamer figure it out? How fair is that?!

As a final quibble, I don’t like how Tetra’s characterized. She starts off interesting, being a spunky pirate captain, but once she’s revealed as Princess Zelda, she stops being much of anything. You don’t even see her again until the finale. Such an interesting idea is wasted, and all for the sake of cheap tension. I get that Nintendo’s adhering to franchise tradition, but why? Couldn’t they have found a workaround?

I could go on to discuss minor issues, like how you have to pay out of pocket to chart islands, but I’d feel bad for slamming the game further. The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker isn’t really a bad game. Parts are even, dare I say, brilliant! But its insistence on staying true to conventional Zelda-isms, and well as its occasional lack of creativity, really keep it from greatness. I appreciate that it’s not lengthy, especially considering various other Zelda entries, but it’s not something I’d play regularly. Sorry to disappoint.

Besides, Okami’s still the best Zelda game.