My Unorthodox Life is a new addition to this genre, assuming you can call it that. It follows Julia Haart, a former, ultra-Orthodox Jewess from Monsey, New York who’s now a CEO of a corporation. The show, told in 8, 40-ish minute episodes, is about her struggles with leaving, as well as how she relates to her family. It’s been called “gripping” and “exciting”. It’s also been heavily-criticized by many. Where do I stand? I tried watching one episode, got frustrated and stopped.
I won’t comment on how the show “gets Orthodox Jewish women wrong”, because that’s not my place. I also won’t talk about how this is another issue with portraying racial minorities, since I’m an Ashkenazi Jew. I won’t even talk too much about the show, because, like I said, I couldn’t sit through one episode. Instead, I’d like to discuss some misconceptions this show has brought to the forefront, and why they’re more harmful than helpful.
I didn’t grow up observant. My family was traditional, which meant going to services once a week, having Shabbat and Yom Tov meals, keeping some level of Kashrut and going to Jewish day school. Only once I hit teenage-hood, particularly after moving in my first year of high school, did my Jewish roots start to mean anything. And even then, it happened in stages. I didn’t start wearing a Kippah full-time until I was 16, and I didn’t start praying daily until university.
While I don’t identify with a particular label, because I find that reductive, I consider my Jewish heritage and its practices to be important. I’m fluent in literary Hebrew, I know many Jewish tunes and songs, and I can recite obscure laws and customs. I also routinely study Jewish texts, amassing information by the day. That said, I’m not ignorant to the world around me. I was secularly educated, I have interests outside of my background, and have several non-Jewish friends. I engage in reality because it’s important to do so, and I challenge my identity regularly.
This is what many Jews, even fully-practicing ones, experience daily. Contrary to misconceptions, religious Jews aren’t entirely closed-off and bigoted. Even the ones that appear more sheltered, the “black hatters”, have nuance and complexity to how they live their lives. I know this because I live in a religious community. I also know this because I’ve engaged with a spectrum of Jews.
I think the conversation around the frum Jewish community, which is diverse, needs to change. There’s a trickle-down effect going on that hurts Jews collectively. When people claim that “Jews are rigid”, they inevitably list off various rituals they not only don’t understand, but also ones that don’t exist. It’s a rabbit hole with no end, and it leads to harmful stereotypes that turn into harmful actions. It’s also a perpetual cycle.
This is what many Jews, even fully-practicing ones, experience daily. Contrary to misconceptions, religious Jews aren’t entirely closed-off and bigoted. Even the ones that appear more sheltered, the “black hatters”, have nuance and complexity to how they live their lives. I know this because I live in a religious community. I also know this because I’ve engaged with a spectrum of Jews.
I think the conversation around the frum Jewish community, which is diverse, needs to change. There’s a trickle-down effect going on that hurts Jews collectively. When people claim that “Jews are rigid”, they inevitably list off various rituals they not only don’t understand, but also ones that don’t exist. It’s a rabbit hole with no end, and it leads to harmful stereotypes that turn into harmful actions. It’s also a perpetual cycle.
Take the concepts of Jewish ritual slaughter and male circumcision. Both have been hot topics for years, with people making cases for them being cruel and barbaric. For the latter, the debate is still inconclusive. For the former, it’s led to a ban of Kosher meat production in The EU. In both cases, the debate spreads ignorance and is more about control.
I’m not joking, either. Every time I’ve discussed these topics in a general forum, the copious amounts of ignorance I hear is mind-boggling: “Jews torture animals and babies!” “Jews are barbaric!” “Circumcision is mutilation!” The list goes on. And whenever these debates arrive at the desks of politicians, laws are discussed or passed that cause harm to Jews.
That’s the issue: the ignorance surrounding Jewish culture, particularly Orthodox Jewish culture, is harmful. We deserve better, and we’re not getting it when mass media fetishizes exodus stories. Because media has an impact on our lives, and if the narrative is skewed it leads to dire consequences. Sometimes these consequences can even be death. It sounds like I’m being hyperbolic, but I’m not.
I’m not joking, either. Every time I’ve discussed these topics in a general forum, the copious amounts of ignorance I hear is mind-boggling: “Jews torture animals and babies!” “Jews are barbaric!” “Circumcision is mutilation!” The list goes on. And whenever these debates arrive at the desks of politicians, laws are discussed or passed that cause harm to Jews.
That’s the issue: the ignorance surrounding Jewish culture, particularly Orthodox Jewish culture, is harmful. We deserve better, and we’re not getting it when mass media fetishizes exodus stories. Because media has an impact on our lives, and if the narrative is skewed it leads to dire consequences. Sometimes these consequences can even be death. It sounds like I’m being hyperbolic, but I’m not.
It also does little to raise my self-worth. I’m not saying the frum world doesn’t have issues. It does: sex education is often bare minimum. There’s an Agunah, or “chained marriage”, crisis. Kosher food is expensive, as is Jewish education. And we’re not immune to Me Too scandals. These are all worth discussing constructively.
But to turn around and claim that there’s no inherent value to anything? That’s unhelpful. It’s unhelpful because religious constructs can be healthy if utilized properly. In fact, religion can help you be content with not being content. I know that sounds self-defeating, but it’s true.
It’d be nice if a piece of media discussing Judaism’s follies would balance it out with its strengths. Because those exist too: Shabbat allows me to unwind from daily life for 25 hours. Shabbat dinners and lunches with family make me engage and bond with them, which is healthy. Learning Tanach has helped me understand a foreign language. Even communal prayer has a social component to it. These are valuable, so why shame them?
But to turn around and claim that there’s no inherent value to anything? That’s unhelpful. It’s unhelpful because religious constructs can be healthy if utilized properly. In fact, religion can help you be content with not being content. I know that sounds self-defeating, but it’s true.
It’d be nice if a piece of media discussing Judaism’s follies would balance it out with its strengths. Because those exist too: Shabbat allows me to unwind from daily life for 25 hours. Shabbat dinners and lunches with family make me engage and bond with them, which is healthy. Learning Tanach has helped me understand a foreign language. Even communal prayer has a social component to it. These are valuable, so why shame them?
As a final note, not everyone who “leaves the fold” leaves Orthodox Judaism. And not everyone who’s “off the path” no longer cares about Judaism. There are approximately 15 million Jews worldwide, and while Orthodoxy might not be for everyone, that doesn’t mean it’s for no one. Saying so is both dishonest and a form of Antisemitism. Because remember, we’re not monolithic. We never were.
So yes, I’d like shows like My Unorthodox Life to acknowledge this. Does that mean that I should discredit Julia’s story? No, she has her own struggles that need respecting and validating. But I wish more self-awareness came with that. Because to the uninitiated, it sends a bad message and leads to ignorance. We have enough ignorance to deal with without our own adding fuel to the fire.
So yes, I’d like shows like My Unorthodox Life to acknowledge this. Does that mean that I should discredit Julia’s story? No, she has her own struggles that need respecting and validating. But I wish more self-awareness came with that. Because to the uninitiated, it sends a bad message and leads to ignorance. We have enough ignorance to deal with without our own adding fuel to the fire.
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