"Captain Deadpool? Nah, Just Deadpool!"

The Deadpool movies occupy a strange space mentally. Despite enjoying them, I’ve never felt an urge to rewatch any entries like I have even the lesser-MCU entries. It could be their gratuitous violence, over-the-top profanity, or that they boxed Ryan Reynolds into a typecast, but something about Deadpool has never sat with me the right way. Then again, 4th-wall breaks work with the character, even if he ripped off She-Hulk, so I could’ve gotten worse.

Deadpool and Wolverine’s the ultimate fan team-up. Taking place after Deadpool 2, Wade Wilson finds himself at the mercy of The TVA during his birthday. He’s told that the “anchor being” of his universe, Wolverine, being dead is causing his world to die, so The TVA has plans to “put it out of its misery”. Figuring he needs to find a Wolverine to replace his own, Wade hops around the multiverse and discovers one. The two form an unlikely pair, and they team up with cameos that were owned by 20th Century Fox. But can they save their universes, and who’s this overlord that’s hellbent on revenge against The TVA?

If there’s anything negative to say about Deadpool and Wolverine, it’s that its script’s a mess. The Deadpool movies were never known for high-end storytelling, but previous entries knew how to anchor themselves. Even the emotional catharsis of the second movie was consistent enough to make me cry a few times. This entry feels like a hodgepodge of cameos and references were crammed together because Disney owns Fox. It works, but it’s definitely not gunning for an Oscar.

Fortunately, if that’s the biggest issue, there’s nothing to be concerned about. Superhero movies don’t prioritize story, with a few exceptions, and this one’s no different. What audiences want from Deadpool is violence, 4th-wall references and constant f-bombs, all three of which he pulls off. It’s so flawless at this point that the opening fight, which is really morbid, is arguably the best. And I’m not saying that because it features “Bye Bye Bye” from NSYNC.

Another strength is, like I said before, the cameos. Deadpool and Wolverine relies on knowledge of which Marvel properties Fox had owned, as well as the projects the studio had worked on, to appreciate the references, let’s not deny that. But true to The MCU, it makes them work. This isn’t like Spider-Man: No Way Home’s cameos, which enhanced the story significantly, but they’re no less effective here. I won’t give them away, but several made me laugh hysterically.

Special shoutout to Emma Corrin as Cassandra Nova. I had no idea who the character was prior, but she’s easily one of the best Marvel antagonists put to screen. She’s weird, creepy and instantly iconic, and her ability to shove her fingers through your head, while gross, is a clever way to make her stand out. It’s too bad she’s only in this movie, because I’d have been fine with her as a recurring character. Especially since having her in a PG-13 movie would be an interesting challenge to find a workaround for!

But the heart of this movie, and the threshold for your overall tolerance, is the relationship between Deadpool and Wolverine. Deadpool’s been in team-ups before, Deadpool 2’s central joke threw shade at that, but this is his first with the iconic X-Men character. Ignoring how Hugh Jackman finally dons his character’s costume after 24 years, Deadpool’s teased a meeting with Wolverine since the first movie. That this is finally happening feels like a fever dream, and the film takes full advantage. Whether that’s too much for you or your cup of tea, it’s worth mentioning.

Personally, I loved it. Wolverine’s grumpiness is a perfect foil to Deadpool’s cheekiness, and the two have excellent chemistry as a dysfunctional couple. They argue, they fight, and they learn how to work for a common goal. And it’s through this that Deadpool feels like he matters and Wolverine receives closure for his past failures. It’s also the most fun I’ve had with a Deadpool movie.

The Deadpool franchise has always been a messy overachiever when it comes to quality. Deadpool was hampered by budgetary limitations, something it even called out. Deadpool 2 was the best-written entry, but its retconned ending overshadowed its more dramatic moments. Deadpool and Wolverine’s the most ambitious entry, providing closure for many Marvel characters, but it’s also the sloppiest narratively. Still, for what it’s worth, I enjoyed it.

Much has been made of The MCU, and superheroes in general, for years. People have called superheroes “exhausting”, saying audiences are tired of them. The MCU’s financial returns lately have been used by internet trolls to prove that it’s “dying”. Even the newer heroes have led to claims of “wokeism” by bigots, splintering them from mainstream audiences. And the recent news about Doctor Doom makes me wonder if Marvel’s caving to the wrong kinds of fans, as I’m unsure what to make of that announcement. Yet if Deadpool and Wolverine’s indication, then the future of superhero movies is secure for now.

But no, I don’t want more Deadpool movies. We’ve had three, that’s more than enough!

Gaming on Strike!

(Note: The following was written about a rapidly-changing situation. Please take any outdated content with a grain of salt.)

Breaking news: the video game branch of SAG-AFTRA might be going on strike.

For those shocked, don’t worry. I didn’t know there were strike talks at all, only that the industry’s struggling with mass-layoffs. That said, considering this is a possibility, I’m intrigued. Video game production’s long and difficult, and the medium’s creators have long gotten the short end of the stick. So this is overdue.

In terms of what the strike entails, it’s really about A.I. That’s what last year’s writer’s and actor’s strikes were about. Yet while that was made public, this has been under the radar due to video game development being more underground. It’s a shame, as video games are a form of artistic expression deserving as much attention as other mass-media art-forms. I support its programmers and artists getting fair treatment, essentially.

It's also worth noting which studios will be impacted: Activision, Blindsight, Disney, EA, Formosa Interactive, Insomniac Games, Take-Two, VoiceWorks and Warner Bros. Some are crossovers of Hollywood studios, like Disney and Warner Bros., but these studios are all huge in the West. No joke! EA, or Electronic Arts, is quite noteworthy in the video gaming world, while Insomniac Games is a Sony subsidiary. These 9 studios comprise a large chunk of the industry, so it’s nice to see some accountability. And trust me, they need it.

I should reiterate that last point. Video games have had an abuse problem for ages. Even before GamerGate, which was disgusting itself, the “niche nerd” mentality has allowed for insular toxicity. Women and minorities have been harassed and threatened constantly, and anyone who’s spoken up has faced scrutiny. Remember the overarching conflict in Free Guy? Where a giant publisher absorbs an indie game and blacklists its programmers? That happens a lot.

Then there’s A.I. and how it harms performers. Like in film and writing, SAG’s video game division wants protections from that. Human hands need to guide A.I., or we’d get hollow imitations of art, and we’re seeing that happen with mass-layoffs in favour of it. Remember, there are talented creators who deserve proper compensation for their time and effort, something they’re not getting right now.

But why stop there? Why not also strike for protections from abuse? The current Activision-Blizzard controversy attests to that behind closed doors, and it’s one example! Though hey, Activision’s one of the 9 companies on this list! Fancy that!

I know it sounds like I’m rambling, but I want to stress how bad the situation is. Video game development burnout’s real, and it’s made many talented people leave. That’s upsetting given that the industry’s worth almost $250 billion, and it’s only expected to grow. For such a powerful juggernaut, you’d want its workers treated properly, right? I’d say so!

Since this is so fresh and surprising, I’ll mention two specific points here. The first is that this is a Western strike. The East has issues too, many of which overlap, but they’re not going on strike. I’m not even sure how they’d handle a strike of this magnitude, but I won’t speculate about something I’m unfamiliar with. Nevertheless, Nintendo, Konami, Capcom and the likes aren’t on the chopping block (yet).

The second is that this is something worth showing solidarity over. Yes, many games will be put on hold. But it’s a small price for a healthy industry. If that bothers you, then take a long, hard look in the mirror. Seriously.

It’s easy to freak out if you’re into video games. The world’s uncertain and scary, and video games provide an escape from that. But like TV and movies, video games aren’t going anywhere. They’ll still be around in 5-10 years, and there are plenty of backlog options right now. You’re not going to “die” if you can’t get the newest video game, not when all three big players have an online catalogue of classic titles available.

Please also remember that getting a video game shouldn’t come at the expense of the well-being of those who made it. I know it’s easy to forget, but game developers are people. And like everyone else, they deserve respect. Many of them aren’t getting that, so shouldn’t that be a priority? Or is basic human dignity not a factor? Because, if so, that says more about consumers than those going on strike.

It’s quite simple to compartmentalize all of this when you’re in gaming mode. I used to be self-centred enough to not care, too. But that was a long time ago. I’ve grown and matured a lot since high school, and I think that’s healthy. Because we should be supportive of the people who make our entertainment, regardless of format, even if we sometimes have to pause our consumption of it. After all, how else can we appreciate something than by standing up for those in the industry? It’s only fair that we reciprocate that passion.

Hayden Christensen's Anakin

Why does this-

(Courtesy of Wildy.)

-feel more terrifying than this?

(Courtesy of Empire Fan Productions.)

There are many answers you can give, but focus on the line delivery specifically. The context of both scenes is similar-a Dark Side-tempted Anakin Skywalker fights a former friend-but you feel more from Anakin confronting Ahsoka than Obi-Wan. Why is that? Why does the former give me chills, while the latter…doesn’t? I think it has to do with who’s behind the camera and how they direct a limited actor like Hayden Christensen.

What’s “limited acting”? It’s when an actor has limited range. There are many limited actors in Hollywood-Arnold Schwarzenegger, Keanu Reeves, Matthew McConaughey, to name a few-but none are more notorious than Hayden Christensen. Brought on for Anakin Skywalker in Star Wars Ep. II: Attack of the Clones, he had had minor TV roles prior, but it was this that launched him into superstardom. It makes sense, but while many of his fellow cast members were criticized for the same stilted line reads, Christensen never got to prove his range elsewhere (save Shattered Glass). And that’s unfortunate, as limited actors can give great performances with the right directors.

It's not even fair within the context of the Star Wars franchise. Christensen was wooden, even if he got better over time, but so was everyone else in The Prequels. Even ignoring that, Star Wars is notorious for hammy line reads, such that while the acting has gotten better under Disney, the dialogue remains hit-or-miss. Additionally, as far as “Movie Brats” go, The Prequels hold up better as movies than Hook and Jack. And I’m not saying that because I was always hit-or-miss on the late-Robin Williams.

It didn’t matter for the longest time anyway. Christensen’s costars got the flex their acting chops in other movies, and some earned Oscar nominations/wins, but he remained the butt of jokes for a while. It got to the point where he even stepped away from acting in the 2010’s. So what happened? And why did he return?

The former question has an obvious answer: he was being improperly utilized by Hollywood. While Shattered Glass demonstrated he could give a good performance, most of his movies didn’t properly showcase thats. Even Jumper, directed by Doug Liman, boxed him in. In the minds of audiences and Hollywood-alike, Christensen was Anakin Skywalker. He was the whiney, angsty teenager George Lucas had poorly-directed, all to his detriment. Twice. So it’s no wonder he decided to step down from the spotlight.

Okay, what about his return? There are numerous factors here, but the most-obvious involve a changing of the guard, and time. Remember that Disney purchased Star Wars in 2012, and ever since have made it a priority to take full advantage. Glut of content aside, Disney felt they had gold, and they weren’t shy about capitalizing on it. I don’t blame them, as, with a handful of exceptions, Star Wars is in better shape critically now than when Lucas had control in his later years.

The other factor, like I said, was time, often described as the healer of all wounds. Keep in mind that Star Wars is generational. The Prequels were scoffed at during release, mostly by longtime fans, but it was the younger audience members who began appreciating Christensen’s performance as they got older. So when Christensen announced he was returning as Anakin in Obi-Wan Kenobi, it was fans of The Prequels who were excited. Because time had validated their feelings on the franchise.

It also helped soften the feelings people had about their actors. Ahmed Best, who played Jar Jar Binks, got a second wind as a Jedi who saved Grogu during Order 66. Considering Best had once contemplated ending his life over Binks, returning to the franchise with praise was validating. And Christensen was no different. His time away only helped him, not harmed him.

Which leads me back to my initial question. Christensen’s return might’ve been a “redemption” of Anakin, but it also speaks to the talent behind the camera. Dave Filoni, longtime Star Wars fan and show-runner, understood that Christensen was a limited actor. And he knew how to utilize that, taking care to get an authentic and terrifying performance from him. Filoni might struggle with being too lore-heavy, but he knows how to direct actors. He knows how to match the cast with his own vision, something Lucas failed at.

It's unfortunate that Lucas’s ambition wasn’t actualized. The Star Wars Prequels, for all their flaws, had a real story to tell, and you could see glimpses of brilliance in moments where the characters were forced to emote with body language. Even Christensen was no exception, giving his infamously-menacing stare when he wasn’t whining or shouting. He had potential, but it wasn’t being properly actualized.

George Lucas has many strengths and weaknesses. Among his strengths is his ideas, as well as being an innovator. Among his weaknesses is his creative prowess not being as refined as his visionary brilliance. His casting of Hayden Christensen, however, is a mixed-bag, taking decades to bear fruit. All it took was the right person and experience to make a brat into a force of fear. And I appreciate Christensen returning to his greatest source of shame for another chance at proving himself.

Sabra All Alone

Remember when Marvel said that they were introducing Sabra in Captain America: Brave New World? Remember the backlash? And remember how they said they’d be revamping the character’s origin? They were true to their word.

It’s been revealed that Sabra, a Mossad agent in the comics, is having a makeover for her debut. She’d be played by Shira Haas, but she’d no longer be a Mossad agent. Sabra’s new origin would be a former Black Widow operative. From Soviet Russia. Cue my rage.

I know some of you might be confused; after all, Sabra was never subtle about her Zionism, and that often led her to be mismanaged. Additionally, Israel’s reputation is in the pits because of the Gaza war, a war they never wanted. Having a Mossad operative in a mainstream movie wouldn’t bode well, so it makes sense that Marvel would change it. But while that works for The Mandarin, with Sabra it returns to an issue The MCU has had with Jewish superheroes. It also highlights a bigger issue that’s frequently plagued superhero movies.

Superheroes are a largely Jewish invention in Western comics. It makes sense, as many early comic writers and illustrators were Jewish. And for characters like Superman and The Thing, it was a core aspect of their identities. There’s a reason Superman’s Kryptonian name, Kal-El, was so integral: like the Hebrew from which it originates, Superman was the voice of God on Earth. Essentially, he was a Moses stand-in.

Sabra’s another character who’s quintessentially Jewish. Like Magneto being a Holocaust survivor, Sabra being Israeli’s part-and-parcel of her personality. You can’t separate that. Whether or not she needs to be Mossad’s debatable, but there’s no Sabra without her being Israeli. Even her name’s slang for an Israeli, being the Hebrew word for “cactus”. This isn’t disputable.

By changing Sabra’s origin, you scrub her character completely. It also doesn’t help that many characters have lost their Jewishness when brought to The MCU. Or if they haven’t, like with Moon Knight, their Jewishness was usurped by non-Jewish actors playing them. And being Jewish isn’t something you can turn off. Like being trans, it can’t be mimicked with no life experience. Sabra becoming a Soviet spy, therefore, is whitewashing. It’s as bad as The Ancient One being a white, English woman, pedigree be damned.

There’s an even more upsetting implication with her specific origin. While Jews exist in Russia, Russia…hasn’t been kind to them historically. Specifically, Soviet Russia attempted to eradicate their cultural and religious identity, even torturing Refuseniks in the 70’s and 80’s following the revival of Zionism. Soviet Russia’s why many Russian Jews who escaped didn’t have a strong Jewish identity, and having Sabra as yet another Soviet spy further plays into that. It’s also not terribly creative.

To further explain why this is a problem, let’s use another minority character fans felt received the short end of the stick: Kamala Khan, or Ms. Marvel. In the comics, Ms. Marvel was an Inhuman who could use her stretchy hands to fight foes. In The MCU, however, her powers were changed to energy beams, and she was made a Jinn. People were angry; after all, why change her character? And to something many Muslims considered evil?

While I liked the end result of Kamala Khan’s change, questionable and all, she retained core features of her identity. She was Pakistani-American, she was a Muslim teenager and she had her famous bangle that tied her to her grandmother. She wasn’t stretchy anymore, but she was identifiably Kamala Khan. She was still the essence of her comic book character. That wasn’t lost.

Sabra as a Soviet spy, however, loses her identity completely. It also misses the point. It’s not like Taskmaster or M.O.D.O.K., both being drastic changes that filled their purposes narratively. It’s also not like what The MCU did to The Mandarin, updating him to erase the racist components. No, this is ruining a character to appease people who wouldn’t have been happy anyway. How do you appease those who don’t acknowledge Israelis as people?

You could argue that Sabra was always a bad character. I’d argue that Kang the Conqueror was worse, and his inclusion as The MCU’s the next big baddie was eyebrow-raising initially. But Jonathan Majors, up until his skeletons were made public, made it work, imbuing menace while not neglecting the character’s humanity. He made Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania a much better movie when on-screen. Sabra, for all her issues, could’ve been the same.

But Marvel chickened out, caving to criticism and butchering Sabra completely. By doing so, they not only ruined her, they made her worse by attaching her history to a regime that tried erasing Judaism. If you don’t get why that’s an issue, then I clearly can’t change your mind. But it’s a problem. And it’s another example of whitewashing a Jewish character.

This isn’t to disparage the movie, which isn’t out, or Haas’s portrayal, which I haven’t seen. For all we know, Haas could steal the show. She’s not a bad actress, going by Shtissel, and I desperately want people to like her. Plus, she’s young! And The MCU needs more new blood! If Captain America: Brave New World is a hit, it could skyrocket her career!

At the same time, I wish her portrayal of Sabra would get the respect it deserves. This includes making her Israeli. It’s possible she could pull a Wanda Maximoff and become like her comic book counterpart overtime, so I shouldn’t shut her out altogether. But as it currently stands, I’m not sold on this being a good decision. It actively upsets me, if anything!

So yeah, I’m not happy by this change, even if I understand why it happened. But hey, maybe I’m alone?

Lamenting Time Limits

One of my gripes with video games is when they become homework. It’s why level grinding for The Elite Four in Gen 2 of Pokémon infuriates me, why the Water Temple in The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time is tedious, and why I can’t bring myself to finish Super Mario Land 2: 6 Golden Coins. I play video games to escape from reality, not to endure it on a smaller scale, and homework’s the first sign I’m not enjoying something on my own terms. This is especially true with time limits. Not only do I struggle with them, I despise video games utilizing them. If you’ll indulge me, I’d like to vent about some games that use time limits as a gimmick.

By the way, these’ll all be from Nintendo. I can only discuss what I know.

Imposing a “day limit” on a scavenger hunt:

Anyone who knows me knows I love the Pikmin games. Not only is their premise ingenious, but two of the entries remain among the few I’ve 100% completed. They’re fun! And I come back to them every so often because of that. However, did you know I don’t like the original game? Yeah…

Surface-wise, Pikmin doesn’t seem like I should dislike it. It has everything I love: scavenger hunts? Check. Cute companions? Check. Endearing gameplay mechanics? Double-check. Unfortunately, it also has a 30-day cycle, meaning you have to collect all of Captain Olimar’s ship pieces within that, or it’s Game Over.

A day cap immediately sours me on the premise. Yes, I know a time limit increases the urgency of collecting Olimar’s ship parts. It also forces the player to think three steps ahead. But I don’t like how strict this gimmick is. I don’t work well under pressure, especially when there are consequences for failure. It’s why I hated writing exams throughout school, even ignoring time-and-a-half: what could I possibly churn out under a looming deadline?

The in-game “days” are also really short. Each one’s about a quarter of an hour, so your time’s precious. This not only forces you to prioritize, it requires you to be fast and efficient. Those are two concepts I’m not good at juggling simultaneously: either I’m fast, or efficient. I can’t be both.

It’s especially tough because the game isn’t terribly forgiving. If you waste a day, or lose too many Pikmin, you can’t reverse time. You have to either play catch-up, or you have to shut the game off and go to your last save, hoping you remember where you went wrong. It’s maddening! I’m already terrible at compartmentalizing my mistakes, and this game expects me to do that too?! Piss off!

I wouldn’t be so annoyed if every future entry didn’t improve on this one’s issues. Pikmin 2 not only axes the day limit, it gives you a second companion to help you multitask efficiently. Pikmin 3 finds a clever workaround to the day limit (put a pin in that for later), and it includes a third companion. And while Pikmin 4 retreads on the day limit, it condenses Olimar’s story, streamlines it to be more accessible and makes that an optional side-quest. Essentially, these feel like responses to the problem Pikmin imposes.

Okay, maybe this game isn’t for me. Let’s get into a more divisive title.

Rewinding time again and again:

I was going to cover this eventually.

The Legend of Zleda: Majora’s Mask is considered one of the best Zelda games by fans of the franchise. It’s also incredibly-divisive. The reason is simple: the time mechanic. More specifically, rewinding and replaying the same three days constantly. This is the Zelda franchise’s answer to Groundhog Day, except with active participation. And I hate to be a downer, but I prefer passively engaging with this idea.

You know how Pikmin’s 30-day cycle forces you to prioritize objectives unforgivingly? This game’s more forgiving, since you can rewind time, but at the expense of losing your unsaved progress. Even with The Inverted Song of Time, or striking owl statues to temporarily save your progress, any items or objectives are lost when you use your Ocarina to restart the three-day cycle. This includes currency and items that haven’t been stashed at the bank, which is a slow and tedious system as is.

My biggest concern is that I’m constantly reminded of the three-day cycle. Unlike Pikmin, where you can ignore the clock, this game has its clock where you can see it. As someone who already hates timers, this is trauma heaped upon trauma. It’s anxiety-inducing. I’m already not great at Zelda games without this additional stress!

The worst part is how the days and nights don’t overlap. When your daylight hours are up, but you’re in the middle of an objective, guess what? You have to start over. Same goes for night to day. That’s incredibly mean. Did no one at Nintendo think about that?!

I know this game has a huge following that’ll chastise me. “Think about the immersion! Think about the side-quests! What about Kafei and Anju, arguably the best romance in any Zelda game?” Sorry, but meaningful side-quests and immersion don’t compensate for the three-day cycle. Plus, Okami masters both concepts without time limits.

Okay, enough negativity. Let’s discuss something positive.

Artificially extending the time limit:

Remember how I said to put a pin in Pikmin 3? Well, remove it. Because Pikmin 3’s the only game I’ve played that does time gimmicks correctly. Yeah, the franchise where every entry after the first is infinitely more enjoyable remedies my concerns. Who’d have thought?

On paper, this should be another annoying time gimmick, as your daily rations are limited. But here’s the difference: you can extend your rations by collecting fruit. This not only incentivizes exploring every nook and cranny, thereby making Pikmin 3 one of the few games I’ve 100% completed, it also makes collecting these fruits exciting. How much juice would a watermelon make versus an avocado? I don’t like avocados, but I’m curious!

Another feature that works here is replaying days. The game caps off at 100 days, but you can always go back and replay a day if you’re unsatisfied. This not only allows for trial and error, but you get infinite redoes. I love this idea! It not only puts the ball in my court, it makes time limits work without the stress. Why didn’t Nintendo think of this before?

Whenever time limits are brought up, Pikmin 3’s my go-to for doing them right. It has its cake and eats it too, appeasing those who like time limits without punishing those who don’t. It’s a perfect compromise, one more games should implement. But I’m not a video game designer…

Those are my thoughts on time limits. I think I need to detox now.

Reminiscing About Bionicle

As you know, I have Blogs from friends of mine linked to The Whitly-Verse. One of them is noticeable, being elongated from a coding error. I’ve tried fixing that, but to no avail. Still, every so often I see something that inspires me. And since said friend got me in the mood, I’ll discuss Bionicle.

For those who are too young, in the early-2000’s LEGO was struggling. They weren’t suffering per se, but they were creatively stagnant. Recognizing that much of their user-base was pre-teen boys, they decided to market specific brands to them. They tried various “edgier” lines, but none stuck around as long as Bionicle. Whether by design or accident, LEGO had something brilliant, with a line that ran for a decade.

The premise screams high-fantasy. Inspired by Polynesian folklore, it centres around an island, Mata Nui, being attacked by Makuta. Using cursed masks, Makuta has infected the insect-like Rahi and unleashed them on the villagers, or Matoran. Desperate to be free from this, the Turaga, or Matoran elders, send out a distress signal to 6 legendary warriors, known as the Toa. The Toa wash up on Mata Nui in pods, band together and free the villagers on the island.

I remember loving this line when it debuted. I was the perfect age, 10, and my brothers and I would play with these toys when we had downtime. The objective wasn’t complicated-first person to displace the opponent’s mask wins-but the stories and head-canon lore more than compensated. Essentially, Bionicle was cool. And it had enough creativity to be a worthwhile Chanukah gift for several years.

This line was the shot in the arm LEGO needed, even winning awards. Aside from being fun to build, the toys could be merged to create more interesting ones. Like the Transformers line, Bionicle was more than meets the eye, spinning off into other mediums with books, comics, movies and video games. Being the sucker that I was, I ended up owning two for my Game Boy Advance. So let’s discuss them.

LEGO Bionicle: Quest for the Toa released in 2001, and it was among the first games I owned for the handheld. It focuses on Takua, a Matoran chronicler, travelling around Mata Nui to help each village send a distress signal to the Toa. The game’s meant for young children. It almost feels like “baby’s first isometric RPG”, even containing its shallowness. It’s also buggy and glitchy, with stiff controls that feel better-suited to an analogue stick. For what it was, however, I mostly enjoyed it.

The most-notable part was that you could customize your avatar. Takua normally has a blue mask, red shirt and yellow pants, but you don’t have to stop there. You can change his colour completely, and you can give him a nickname. Being uncreative, however, I kept him the standard colour and named him “Whitly”. Even 11 year-old me had a brand…

The game itself isn’t complicated. Controls aside, it’s more of an adventure story with light RPG elements. Each village also has a mini-game you need to play at least once, and getting in first place for all of them gives you a reward. Not that I knew that, since the kayak race in Ga-Koro was next to impossible to steer in. I could beat every other mini-game and get in first place, but that gives me nightmares even now.

Upon completing a village, including the mini-game, finding the Turaga elder and acquiring the special stone to activate the Vuata Maca Tree, you could traverse the over-world to the next village. When you completed all 6, you beat the game. It sounds repetitive, and the isometric design made navigating rather tedious, but once you got the hang of everything it wasn’t terrible. I remember enjoying freezing lava to make little islands, or knocking villagers off of their companions in the Le-Koro mini-game. It’s not a long experience, but you could do worse.

The other game I received was Bionicle: Matoran Adventures in 2002. This was during the height of “The Bohrok Saga”, the first of the lines Bionicle came up with to sell new toys. The Bohrok were big, round-like insects who could curl into balls and run you over, and beating them required breaking the covers on their heads and knocking off their masks. This game also came out right as I was at the tail end of liking Bionicle, so while I enjoyed this title, much more than the previous one, I also never went further.

Anyway, you take on the role of a generic Matoran and traverse through the different villages, all while fighting the invading Bohrok. Along the way, you collect mask pieces, find the Turaga elder and complete the in-village objective. These objectives aren’t difficult, even as the levels get longer, but it’s fun. The game’s a standard platformer, but it controls somewhat fluidly. If anything, it’s my favourite piece of Bionicle merchandise I still own. That’s saying something.

There are four boss fights throughout the game that are split up among the 6 levels. The first two are in the 1st and 3rd levels, with the final two in the 6th level. Unlike the Bohrok, these bosses have health gages, requiring timing your attacks to hit them. It’s a shame you can’t use the Turaga, since the character-swapping mechanic could’ve led to some interesting mechanics. Then again, maybe it would’ve been too easy?

The best part, aside from three difficulty settings, is the score. The GBA library was often criticized for not taking advantage of the handheld’s sound chip, but this game is one of the few exceptions. Not only does each level have a fitting track, taking advantage of the different levels’ environments, but they’re all catchy. I haven’t played this game in years, yet I still find myself occasionally humming its tunes. If you don’t believe me, have a listen!

The downside to this game, once again, is its length. Bionicle: Matoran Adventures isn’t long, but that’d be offset if you could unlock new sections with each mask. Unfortunately, that isn’t the case. If you want to 100% this game, which isn’t hard, you need to play through the same levels 6 times. Joy!

Fortunately, wonkiness and all, it’s still fun. I remember whizzing through the levels in several hours, which speaks to its craft. Bionicle: Matoran Adventures isn’t well-known amongst the Bionicle fanbase, and it isn’t “great” either, but almost everyone I’ve spoken to about it remembers it somewhat fondly. I even convinced someone on ScrewAttack to give it a second chance, and they liked it more on replay. That’s a testament to this cartridge, and I suggest tracking it down if possible.

That’s all I have to say. I know there were long-running comics from DC, but I never got into them due to financial limitations. Yet what little I enjoyed of my 2-years with Bionicle helped me get through some rough patches, and I have LEGO to thank with their out-of-the-box thinking. Even if they used Polynesian lore for cynical marketing reasons, they put a lot of thought into what could’ve been a cheap cash-grab. I owe them for that.

If only LEGO would acknowledge these toys retroactively. But I can keep dreaming, right?