Original Trilogy Woes

My biggest regret as a Star Wars fan is being unable to watch The Original Trilogy in theatres. That wasn’t intentional, being born in 1990. But even once I was old enough, VHS tapes were being phased out and the movies were undergoing altered rereleases to match The Prequels. I also wasn’t a big fan until high school, and by then the original, unaltered films were unobtainable. Between the extensive edits and new scenes, the only way to access the films properly was either George Lucas’s hack-jobs, or piracy. And since the latter didn’t yield results, and wasn’t safe for my laptop, it wasn’t worth it.

This was my predicament for years, going into my early-20s. It’s not like the films weren’t “available”, but it wasn’t the same. I didn’t want CGI Jabba the Hutt conversing with Han Solo, or The Emperor played by Ian McDiarmid before his introduction in the final movie, because that wasn’t what was intended. It was revisionism, and it sucked that George Lucas was too stubborn to leave anything alone. For the most part, my exposure was through video games, most-notably the LEGO Star Wars series. At least those weren’t subjected to Lucas’s meddling.

It was doubly-frustrating because I knew all the famous lines and moments these movies had. I knew Darth Vader was Luke’s father, and I could recite their entire exchange in Cloud City. I knew Binary Sunset like it was my own, and I found myself humming the score in awkward places. Even the expanded franchise lore was fascinating, such that I could tell you what each lightsaber colour represented. So why were the original films elusive?

I guess that’s the ultimate consequence of being a Star Wars fan. I knew everything I possibly could about these films, but never firsthand. I had to frequently rely on YouTube clips, listen to people (mis)quote lines and consume references in other media. I was allowed to be in the fandom, but I wasn’t granted access to the material. I felt like Anakin Skywalker, enraged over how unfair it was, yet helpless to do anything.

My first piece of “hope” came when Lucas sold Star Wars to Disney in 2012. We can argue over how efficiently Disney’s handled the license, even if I’ve enjoyed its output, or if axing The EU was a good idea, but this was a blessing in my eyes. Finally, after over 22 years, I’d get to watch these movies how they were meant to be seen! No more hack-edits and additions people despised, this was it! I’d have access to these movies the way they were meant to be watched…right?

Leave it to reality to crush that. Not only was this not happening, but I was told it was never happening. Instead of the opportunity to watch these movies theatrically and unaltered, much like the 20th anniversary of Jurassic Park, Lucasfilm was doing new movies. The dream of seeing the true versions were dashed, with me being locked out again. I was disheartened.

But I waited…until Disney+ was announced in 2019. I was hopeful, yet again, that I could have easy access to these movies at any time. My dream was coming true, and it was exciting. Unfortunately, reality had other plans once again. By the time the Star Wars library had come to Disney+, the original films were altered further. This was most apparent with the added line “Maclunkey”, shouted by Greedo before being shot by Han Solo, a sign of Lucas’s ever-prescient trolling. Did the universe hate me that much?

Complicating matters further was whether or not Disney would get their hands on the unaltered versions. They kept hinting it, then denying it, then hinting it again, and always to my annoyance. They were dangling the carrot like I was a horse, only to yank it away immediately. It didn’t help that Disney is notorious for going after copyright breachers, making attempts like the Petr Harmy restoration project nigh-impossible to share. I was becoming impatient, with my annoyance turning into despair.

Which brings me to the announcement that the original film will be released theatrically for its 50th anniversary. Unless it’s the unaltered version, I have no interest in it. Besides, I’ll be 37 in 2027, and it’s possible my life commitments will be different. Like waiting for Toonami in Canada, by the time I get what I want, I might lose interest. And while it'd be perfect for Lucas and company to finally cave, why tease me?

It's not like the films aren’t worthy of criticism. They are. From what I’ve seen online, they’re really campy. The writing’s bonkers, the acting’s silly and the stories are filled with gaps and plot-holes. And there are tons of continuity errors, suggesting that the only glue binding them together was a vision, not a plan.

But that’s Star Wars, the science-fantasy version of a D&D campaign. Like how that game favours improvisation over logic and continuity, so too does Star Wars. And you know something? I don’t mind. Because that’s half the fun.

Besides, I want to judge the movies for myself and compare notes. I want to laugh at the chimpanzee-like face of Emperor Palpatine, or groan at Darth Vader’s insultingly-easy defeat of him. I want to enjoy the improvisational goofs, as that’s also part of the fun. It’s easy to joke about Star Wars being silly, but it revitalized the pulp serial sub-genre. And when that leads to classics like Castle in the Sky, then isn’t that what matters?

My problem is that George Lucas doesn’t agree. Instead of appreciating what is, he wants what should be. Like an overprotective father, he won’t let go of his creation, tinkering with it and retroactively acting like that was always the plan. Except it’s not. And it’s insulting to those who worked on these movies.

Ultimately, I’m tired. I’m tired of the games, the lies, and the false promises. Mostly, I’m tired of waiting. Star Wars might be goofy and bombastic, but it’s still art. And unless that art’s respected, I’ll continue being frustrated as an adult.