Anatomy of a Failure-Dissecting Exodus: Gods and Kings

Ever feel an urge to revisit a movie from almost a decade ago that you remember well enough to know you hated the first time? That was me with Exodus: Gods and Kings. I hadn’t seen it since it debuted in 2014, yet my memory was so exact that I knew it was trash. And now, 8 years later, I wanted to give it another shot. I went on Cineplex’s website, and somehow managed a rental for $2.20 CDN. Then I remembered it was from 20th Century Fox, so I could’ve watched it for free on Disney+. Oops!

Still, $2.20 is chump change. And while not as insulting as I remember, it was definitely pretty lame.

Exodus: Gods and Kings had plenty going for it. It was directed by Ridley Scott, so you knew it’d have excellent production value. The cast, while Euro-centric, was A-list, so there was potential for stellar acting. Even the story it was adapting was really easy to adapt to film, as religious fanatics and anti-theists alike had something to latch onto. Surely this’d be another win for Scott, right?

Exodus: Gods and Kings starts out with some text explaining the backdrop. That’s already a red flag: why not show Moses’s backstory? The Prince of Egypt and The Ten Commandments both did that, and they were highlights of their respective movies. This movie, however, doesn’t seem interested in that. It’s baffling.

The real focus here is about the “brotherly relationship” between Moses and Ramses. I put that in quotes because it’s not even shown to us. Like most of the big revelations, it’s explained with a throwaway line from Seti before they battle the Hittites. A war that serves no purpose than padding time. Also, to remind everyone that the director once directed Gladiator.

After that pointless scene, Moses travels to Pithom to discover that a Hebrew slave knows his backstory. We get more exposition, and then it’s off to confront Moses’s handmaiden, Miriam, with a coercion of violence. It’s as bad a moment as you’d expect, and, again, it feels like padding. It’s here where the film’s biggest surface issue’s also made apparent: whitewashing the main cast. You’re telling me that Ridley Scott, who’s been given the freedom to do anything at this point in his career, couldn’t get ethnically-accurate actors? Why is almost everyone either American, or British Commonwealth-white?

Whatever, Noah had the same problem. Besides, we have to put up with angsty, warlord-like Moses who uses violence to solve everything: confrontation with Egyptian guards? Stab them to death. Confrontation with assassins? Stab them to death. Median sheepherders harassing women at a well? Threaten to stab them to death. It makes Moses unlikable.

The time spent in Median isn’t even that interesting. Exodus: Gods and Kings is 150 minutes in length, but you wouldn’t know that with its rushed plot points. Moses’s relationship with Tzipporah barely has time to grow naturally before they’re getting married. And while I don’t want to kink-shame, not even their romance is inspired. They basically have stilted conversations, then start making out.

The movie starts moving when Moses encounters God at The Burning Bush. Except…it’s not God, but a kid with an overly-restrained temperament. This is an interesting choice, but feels uninspired. The kid practically comes off as hostile and aggressive. Not to mention, that only Moses can see him makes their conversations look schizophrenic, which is something I’m not sure Scott intended.

God guilts Moses into returning to Egypt, but not before we get a running theme: don’t have faith simply because it’s expected. It’s cute, but it’s not followed through effectively. It feels preachy and dishonest. I know Scott has issues with religion, something many Jews would tell him isn’t a big deal, but his heavy-handed theistic politics never fully jive here. They also disrespect Moses as a character.

Once in Egypt, Exodus: Gods and Kings turns into Gladiator, complete with slaves being hanged in public, montages where slaves learn to fight, and guerrilla ambushes of Egyptians. It’s here where the film loses me briefly: what am I watching? Isn’t this supposed to be about The Exodus? Because it doesn’t feel that way.

Anyway, the film regains focus with the 10 plagues. Except these plagues follow the “scientific plague theory”, complete with an in-film scientist explaining how they make sense logically. Firstly, why? Ancient Egypt was a society of omens and gods, they wouldn’t use 21st Century science. And secondly, these plagues aren’t that inspired, consisting of events you’d see on The Discovery Channel and not something based on The Book of Exodus.

To its credit, the final plague is quite chilling. We even get a heartbreaking moment where Ramses cries while embracing his dead son. But it’s short-lived, as we need to get to the The Red Sea. It’s a tedious climax, goes on for too long, and is resolved with another “21st Century science” moment involving an asteroid and low tide. By this point, I’ve basically given up trying to question anything.

The finale returns Moses to Median for a reunion with his family, and we fast-forward to the end of his life. And then the movie ends. After 150 minutes, we’re done with this slog of an epic. Even Noah had more to say than this! That’s sad.

I get it: a traditional story about The Exodus isn’t only overdone, it also wouldn’t be appealing to modern, cynical audiences. But that’s no excuse for bare bones, uninspired storytelling. I’m not even saying that because I’m biased! It doesn’t do anything new or exciting with its material. Again, that’s sad.

I’m sure this movie has fans. It’s also not as bad as I remember. But that doesn’t exonerate it of its problems. Exodus: Gods and Kings is what anti-theists point to when they call Scripture “boring and lame”, and I don’t blame them. So while I spent $2.20, I still think you’re better off watching The Ten Commandments or The Prince of Egypt. You’ll thank me later.

Chag Sameach.